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How i will rule Panera Bread with $1.40

by J. Money on Monday, March 31, 2008

Anyone who knows me will tell you that i’m a HUGE fan of Panera Bread. Their plethora of breakfast goodies are extremely tasty, and prices for the most part decent. There is one bone, however, i need to pick with them, and that’s the price of their cream cheese. It is sinfully price gouging, and plain and simply – a rip off.

Although i’ve known for a while that it was a bit more to order a bagel w/ cream cheese, than w/out, i had no idea HOW MUCH of a difference it was. Next time you roll into one, check out their prices for bagels. You will notice the price of one w/out any spread (cream cheese, butter, etc) costs $0.79. not bad. Now, look for the price with the spread: $2.19!!!!

You’re telling me that a teaspoon of cream cheese costs $1.40? No siree bob, that’s crazy talk. There’s no way in hell this white goodness is worth almost DOUBLE the price of the plump and beautiful bagel.

This is where my genius idea comes in, and i change the world. Since complaining won’t change anything (although it does feel good) i have decided to put my money where my mouth is. This morning I paid my 79 cents (83 cents w/ tax), brought my toasted blueberry bagel home, and lathered it up w/ my own cream cheese. BAM, take that!

THEN, and this is a very important “then”, I walked down the street and used this $1 from the savings to purchase a mega-millions lottery ticket. I will then do the following:

- Win the $135 million tomorrow
- Take the lump sum of $80 cash
- Call up my brokerage firm
- And spend every last penny on PNRA (Panera stock).

This will give me controlling interest in the company, allowing me to dutifully change the price of their cream cheese to $0.25. This simple action will make all that is wrong in this world right, and giving me the “smartest person alive” award :)

I told you it was genius.


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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lauryn February 19, 2011 at 6:27 pm

ROFLMAO… at the time of this writing, I’ve decided that ignoring the cream cheese and going straight for the mint crinkles and you-pick-twos are better. Oh, and wielding that good old Panera Rewards card

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2 J. Money February 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm

This was one of my all-time fave/popular posts when starting out ;) And are you telling me Panera has a Rewards card??? How did I not know this?

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