People who like to "split the tab" are no longer my friends.
This whole splitting the bill business is really starting to get to me. It seems to be happening all the freakin' time!I know it's easier and quicker to pay this way, but in most cases it's never fair for all parties involved. And do you ever notice that the person who brings it up, is usually the one who ordered more than everyon else?! HAH. In case you aren't in the mood to read about last night's adventure, and i wouldn't blame you, I'll start by blabbing the moral of the story:
Always ask for separate checks. That's it.
Many of the frugal-minded may already know this, and i *thought* i did too, but it turns out my actions don't always correlate w/ my brain. Here's a breakdown of how the events played out last night:
Pre-Dinner Planning
Mrs Budgetsaresexy gets an email from Doris (made-up name) asking us to meet up for dinner w/ her husband (Bob) and another couple. We say it sounds fun, and will stop by for drinks only, as we're trying to save money w/ Grad school coming up. According to Doris, though, this is "silly" and we shoud "just eat w/ everyone" as it's not that expensive.
Well true, but only depending on your definition of expensive. If you're comparing a home-made meal at $7 total vs. $15 plates, without drinks, tips, and taxes - it's expensive. To avoid the argument though, we brush it off and say we'll play it by ear.
On the Way to Dinner
Turns out we were STARVING by the time we left work, and we realized that even if we DID hold in our hunger and go for the 2-drink idea, we'd still blow through $20 between the two of us ($5/drink x 4). So we agreed to find the cheapest, but still enjoyable, meals as well as a side of free water ;)
The Dinner
The meals were lovely, the water quenching, and we had a nice evening out for what we thought was $21 plus a little tax and tip. We were wrong.
The Check
The check comes and Bob (Doris' spouse), who had a beer AND a $15 plate brings up the famous "let's split it evenly" deal. All i could think was "$hit! We forgot to get the separate check". I know he didn't any harm by it, the guy's pretty cool, but it's like COME ON!
- We consumed 2 meals for the price of yours alone.
- We told you we were trying to save money!
- And....I dunno... but it's really not nice.
I lost the battle.
F it. I'm not gonna cause a scene over a few bucks, ya know? I wasn't in the mood for any more awkward moments, and i certainly didn't want to explain WHY exactly i didn't think it was fair to split it "evenly". So we paid our $31.00, which was $4 more than we had signed up for, and said our goodbyes. Then, once in the car and far away from anyone, we relieved ourselves of our bitter thoughts and got it out in the air to each other ;) You gotta cope somehow!
The moral here? Again, ask for separate checks when you first arrive. It might be hard to remember at first, but I think if we can start getting used to it we'll be happy in the long run. I'm tired of letting these lazy, not-frugal, people get away with my George Washingtons. Those guys belong in one spot, and one spot only - My pockets ;)
Labels: advice, cockamamy indeed, rant
posted by J. Money at
10:47 AM
28 Comments:
Geez...I hate that! The worst part is that they all look at you like you're a cheapskate, and its not like THEY are the buttheads (gotta keep it clean) that are trying to get a discount on their meal. (What, they didn't notice you ate HALF of what they did?!! PLEASE!) Anyway, you can tell I've got issues with this.
Nowadays most restaurants can still split your check at the end though. Just kindly ask the waiter, and they shouldn't have a problem. I agree though, its easier to take care of it at the beginning. To look at the bright side, at least it was just $4. When I was in high school my friends would try to get me to split the checks evenly...when they ordered ribs and I had a salad (no drink, of course). I never lost, simply because I'd put out what I owed and stare THEM in the face until they picked up their part of the bill. (Kind of a jerk, yes...but whats fair is fair.)
If I don't order the same amount of food as the other person I would never, never ask to split the check. We have one set of friends who we end up splitting the bill with, but we know that will happen so we only go out to eat once every two months or so. =)
If someone suggests splitting but has had an unequal number of drinks/courses, etc., I sometimes say "OK, but how about we all pay for our own drinks?". That's a gentle way of saying that I don't want to pay for everyone else's expensive booze, especially if I've had none. This also lets people know that I'm aware that I spent less than an equal split, and sometimes they'll all just throw in a few extra bucks for their appetizers/filet mignon with exotic truffles anyway.
My other defense tactic, while not the most economic, is to just order something that is equally as expensive so that I don't feel gypped when I'm with automatic bill-splitting friends. I only end up paying a couple dollars extra than I would if we had split, but I'm getting a fair amount of food.
My most awkward situation under this category was when I went to a birthday prix fixe (and my friends always pick the most expensive restaurants in NYC... not to mention that a prix fixe tends to be more expensive than what I would order on my own, anyway). My boyfriend and I had already eaten a little but decided to SHARE a prix fixe to cut down on cost and the stomach-stuffed-factor. When the bill came, the bill handler split the total 10 ways (the total number of guests) instead of 9 (the number of meals ordered), meaning that we weren't receiving the benefit of sharing a meal. It was definitely awkward to have to ask all the way across a long table if we could please calculate the split differently.. the others seemed ticked off that they would have to pay more than the original figure, even though that was the fair amount. :/
I can believe people would suggest that, but after you pointed out your share was significantly less, they didn't budge? Please.
Most places will split it at the end, but you may get a nasty look from the waiter
hehe, you're a funny one. good venting post!!
even though the dollar amount was small, the situation was just so frustrating! YES, sure, the other 2couples can pitch an extra few bucks to cover their meal, but you know what? if i had wanted to spend an extra few bucks, i would have ordered a bigger meal (as bonebreaker pointed out).
i would have thoroughly enjoyed that $17 platter that i was eyeing on the menu, but i got the $10 to save a few bucks. i ALSO would have enjoyed a nice cold $5 beer, but i got water instead. those extra dollars that i just tried to save? i ended up spending anyway, on someone else's food and drink. not to mention that the tip amount goes up too, when everyone orders more expensive meals and drinks, and that is ALWAYS split evenly.
it's just most annoying that people can be so tactless, because i would NEVER ask anyone to pitch in for more than what they owe.
it's not like this is the first time this has happened, either...it's always a mess trying to go out for meals in groups.
i agree that our policy from here on out is to always ask for separate checks. :)
Ahhh, I hate that too!! It always reminds me of that Friends episode where Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel (the poorer ones in the group) get screwed by that whole idea.
Oh, I so feel your pain on this one! I have been in your position many, many times. I tend to not drink when out in restaurants because 1. I am usually driving and 2. it is so ridiculously expensive to drink out. But when the bill has come I have been asked to pay for everyone else's drinks. I have started bringing cash, broken down into various bills. When the bill comes, I just give them what my portion is and I don't budge. Since I started doing that it hasn't been nearly an issue like it was before. Great post!
Another route you can go is when the server brings your check, immediately pick it up and say, "Here, I'll handle splitting it up." Then laugh, and go, "Guess we should have asked for separate checks!"
Along the column of numbers for the order, round up to the nearest half-dollar (ie: $4.38 would be $4.50, $8.76 would be $9.00), add them up for each person or group of people, and go around the table:
"Sam, you owe $14.00."
"Bob and Jen, you owe $29.00."
"Rhonda, you owe $3.00."
Most people don't want to go through the pain of splitting the check manually because it requires them to do math. Not everyone's good at math. And then there's the issue of change, and the issue of cash versus credit. The change issue is eliminated by using whole numbers (and it'll usually cover the tax!).
The cash vs. credit is easily taken care of. On the back of the check, write the last four digits of the credit card and the last name of the owner, then the amount they owe on one line. Follow suit with the other credit people. When the server comes back, turn the check over and SHOW THEM the numbers, specifying, "These people are paying in credit. We made it easy for you by listing out the cards and amounts." The server will appreciate the lack of confusion.
When the extra comes back from the cash people (it's normally a couple bucks), apply it to the tip, and then subtract that from the 15% owed on the tip. For instance, if your total meal was $58.93, your tip is around $9. If you got $3 back, let the party know that everyone needs to toss in another $1 for the tip.
By taking control of the situation, you can protect your pocketbook, your savings, and your debt paydown strategy. Don't let loudmouths like this guy run you over!!
So it happens to you guys, too eh? haha...Thanks for all the good ideas!
And I think you're right jonathan, that's the main reason people suggest splitting it up, they don't wanna take control and/or do math, at least when it comes to friends. I can't imagine they'd wanna F their own friends over like that on purpose.
I bet people also feel like, "Whatever, it's all good i don't really pay attention to money anways cuz it makes me feel like i'm really well off" kinda thing - thus not wanting to check how much their meals actually cost them. and hey, everyone else is doing it!
I really think you should have caused a scene. That was so disrespectful of "Bob" to screw you out of money like that!
If you're not lucky enough to get to do the math yourself, I think the best solution is to just bring cash, throw it on the bill and say "here's what we owe!" before anyone has a chance to make a sideways-face (see: :/ ) and suggest a split. People make sideways-faces when they're stumped by math, and I agree that math-stumpers like to split bills.
And while I generally dislike the practice, I usually don't put up a fight if the difference is less than $2 per plate.
Oh! Another solution: dine out with cheap friends, who will appreciate your style.
Reading your post made me remember why I rarely go out to dinner with people these days...I'm enjoyinh your blog, keep it up!
This post has been removed by the author.
Oops. I deleted my own comment - who does that? I meant to say:
small budget, big style chick - thanks!
and Bob - :/
Ugh, I hate that too!
Ry and I always ask for separate checks now and our friends ALWAYS look at us like we are rude/cheap/dumb for doing it. (we get the evil eye)
Then the bill comes, we pay credit card and are done while they argue over splitting evenly or exact amounts and who gets the extra $1 back....
If we forget at the beginning I'll ask at the end, most places have no problem with it.
It probably was a good call to put up the extra $4 and not lose the friendships over stuff so petty...
it's a message from the universe - don't go to dinner with those people again. :)
i have no problems saying i don't want to split the bill because then i'm subsidizing you. let them think i'm cheap. then maybe they won't ask me to dinner again. :)
all that being said, if the difference is only a buck or two, then i'll split the bill with no complaints.
The good thing about not blogging anonymously, is that all my friends know about my broke-ness already so I don’t feel weird about saying I’m chipping in $x.00 for my own meal. I actually have more of an issue with splitting bills with my husband. He tends to order drinks and more expensive stuff but splitting the bill is just what we do. I sometimes insist on a more equitable break-down, but usually just go with it. He pays for a lot of other stuff (like our crazy cable bill) so I figure it’s all coming out of the same pot. I can’t help it if it irks me sometimes, though. Now and then I react like an earlier commenter talked about: purposely ordering more to balance it out. This goes contrary to my weight loss goals, though, so it doesn’t make sense in the greater scheme.
As a server, I appreciate people who let me know right away that they want separate checks. It's when I ask at the end of the meal if I should separate the checks & people don't have an answer that I get frustrated. From what I've seen when I bring one check and everyone throws money in (which is totally unfair to those of you who order less) the server tends to lose out as far as the tip goes. I'd prefer you had separate checks because I usually make at least a 10% tip that way. Those people who want to split evenly tend to be people who are looking for a cheaper way to get their spendy meal. And yes, I agree, it tends to be the people who've ordered the most that think the check should be split evenly.
As a cheapskate, I simply refuse anymore to split a check with anyone. I will specifically tell the server at some point during the meal that I want my check separate. My feelings are, if I'd wanted to pay for someone else's meal or any portion thereof, I'd have offered to pick up the whole bill but I will not let myself be forced into it anymore.
When I go out to eat I am very aware of what I am ordering and how much I want to pay.
I cringe when I hear "oh just put us all on the same bill and we'll sort it out".
I always get the crap end of the stick so now I always pipe up "separate bill for us please".
I totally agree with you. We always end up paying more when we "split the tab". We now go out of our way to get cash (in large & small bills) to make sure we can cover our bill and not have to split.
-1MansMoney
I hate that! I am lucky in that it doesn't happen with my group of friends. Frequently, we do the "Ok, my meal was $2 more, so we'll just split the check, and you tip $2 less and I'll tip $2 more." Which seems convoluted, but it all works out in the end.
It's annoying to have friends who do what your friend did, especially after you tried to say no. Sure, it's not a huge amount, but it's the principle of the whole thing!
I didn't realize how lucky I was in friends. We always just get one bill and then the little folder is passed around the table and everyone figures out how much they owe, adds the tip and puts it in the folder. If we have more than one card we'll write down the amounts for the server. Once it's made it's round, someone adds it all up to make sure the appropriate amount (plus a reasonable tip) is covered. And we have no problems helping out the less mathematically inclined (or the tax accountant pulls out the calculator).
We do have one set of friends that likes to split evenly, but they also deposit checks by throwing them in the atm without a deposit slip, signature, account number or envelope. I think they're nuts. And generally they'll throw out a 'Should we just split it evenly?' and there will be either general agreement or someone will say 'No, let's just pay for our own stuff' and around the check goes.
OMG...that happened to me just last week with my sisters and mom. I had a little money and went with a bottled drink (a Twisted Tea for $3.75). My one sister splurged and bought a $9.75 frozen mudslide and my other sister (who is the one who always seems to suggest splitting it...going back years...should have learned, right?) got 2 glasses of wine at $6 each. My mom (who we treated got a a kahlua and cream. We all shared about 4 appetizers, but when the bill came, my sister with the wine suggested we split the bill and treat our mom. Treating my mom who has been so good to me and my kids is great...but splitting the bill 4 ways when I bought only one small drink and they each spent 3-4 times my drink is just unfair and as adults (we are all just over 40 or just approaching 40) they should have realized that. Next time, it is separate checks for the drinks even if we divvy up the appetizers and eats. I thought that maybe my sister changed, but I was wrong. Same old, same old.
I hate that as well. Sometimes though I ask for a seperate check it doesn't happen because the SERVER refuses to do it. Restaurant policy they say.
It's frustrating when that happens.
I am throughly annoyed by how often it happens and I now just throw it what we owe and when the bill is less tough.
People who don't like to listen when I speak up and say I did not drink wine (trying to conceive so I'm not drinking), they are splitting the bottles THEY ordered as though I had some!
HELLO! It cannot be more obvious.
How tight are you? My god, you humiliated yourself for the sake of $4 and then didn't even save your precious money. You may find that you get to eat in a lot more often as people hate cheap friends and you must be the cheapest ones they have.
@Anonymous - so you don't believe in sticking up for yourself?
Of course stick up for yourself when its important. But $4 is not important. You are having a meal out with friends - if you can't afford to do that then don't go, don't act like a broke student in front of your friends. Order what you want and split the bill - it will all even itself out anyway as next time you may end up paying less than your meal would have been individually.
I hear ya - we'll just have to disagree on that stuff. I prefer to be myself around my friends whether that's a "broke student" or a frugal millionaire.
We all have our ways of handling it all, there's no right or wrong answer here. Appreciate your thoughts though.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Back to Budgetsaresexy.com