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7 Things I’d Rather Do Than Shop on Black Friday

by J. Money on Wednesday, November 21, 2012

sexy porcupine

As you probably know by now, Black Friday is right around the corner. But as exciting as that sounds to the retail industry – and possibly you? – there’s about a million OTHER things some of us would rather do than wake up at 3 a.m. and stand in line to get the newest Tickle Me Elmo (wait, what’s that? They’re not popular anymore? Okay then, beanie babies… No?? Pogs?).

So for those looking to spend their time differently this Friday morning, here’s a list of 7 BETTER things you can do instead… I’ll be starting my day out with sexy #3:

  1. Jump into a swamp full of alligators. Naked.
  2. Suck down a tub of butter, followed by a tub of lard. (Mmm!)
  3. Listen to every single track of the Back Street Boys. And then hit repeat.
  4. Watch 150 more hours on the Petraeus scandal!
  5. Light your toes on fire and hop into a puddle of lighter fluid.
  6. Make love to a one-eyed porcupine. (They’re much friendlier than the two-eyed variety)
  7. And if all else fails, take your entire life savings and invest it in Facebook stock.

The best part? You don’t need any coupons! Haha… okay okay, Black Friday isn’t *that* bad, but still. It’s def. not as exciting as other things you can be doing unless you get 1,000% off of everything or go with your hot girlfriend/boyfriend and/or you’re still drunk from the parties the night before ;) All things which unfortunately are off the table for me now that Baby Money is involved, wha wha wha… But there’s always that porcupine!

And speaking of porcupines, check out last year’s post on why Black Friday is just like having sex ;) Another fun thing you can do instead of shopping!

Y’all be safe out there…

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Photo Credit: timparkinson


{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lance @ Money Life and More November 21, 2012 at 7:36 am

I actually might go get something this Black Friday. There is a $100 version of QuickBooks for free after rebates at Staples I’ve heard. If it is a doorbuster though it isn’t worth it. If it is all day I’ll stroll in in the afternoon.

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2 Michelle November 21, 2012 at 8:26 am

Haha I agree! I plan on sleeping.

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3 Greg@ClubThrifty November 21, 2012 at 9:10 am

lol. I will be going to work on Friday so luckily I get to avoid all of that.

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4 J C November 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

I know that I sound like an anti-social person when I say this.. but I HATE crowds. Especially crazy black friday shoppers crowd. All the pushing and fighting. Seriously? Someone pulled out pepper spray last year on a black friday crowd. My blood pressure can’t handle other people’s craziness

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5 K.K. @ Living Debt Free Rocks! November 21, 2012 at 10:39 am

I think I would go postal if I were to stand in line for houses for the sheer pleasure of it then getting pushed around like a hockey puck by other people…there is really nothing that I want that badly!

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6 Budget & the Beach November 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

ha ha! fun list. NOOOO, don’t make me listen to the backstreet boys!!! The funny part is I know NO ONE out of my circle of friends (and believe me, they are doing well in life) that does the black Friday thing. Who are these people?

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7 Joe @ Retire By 40 November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

I’m going to Fred Meyer to get the 50% off socks and that’s it. :)

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8 Financial Black Sheep November 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

Wow you are no fun HA! I posted on the same subject today, but I usually at least people watch. I have some good links for Black Friday ads and when to purchase consumer items.

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9 Erin @ Aim High Erin November 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Yeah, I shopped some sales online already because I have no intention of going out on Friday.

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10 G. Jones November 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

No to that!!! I am going to work on Thanksgiving and Black friday all while getting paid double time and a half!! Now that is how I like to spend my time. Lines and I have to put up with crazies, I will pass.

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11 Trinnie November 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Yeah I’ll be black friday’ing it from the comfort of my laptop tomorrow, in between cooking and doing homework. Happy Thanksgiving, J!!!

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12 Christa November 21, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I prefer to shop late in the morning on Black Friday at one or two stores. I can get everything on my list at a reasonable price without fighting crowds. $20 off a doorbuster product just isn’t worth the hassle for me.

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13 Edward Antrobus November 21, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Just wait a couple years, J. Then you’ll be standing in line for that must-have Christmas toy.

We went to the after Thanksgiving, pre-Black Friday sales last year, but only because there were a couple items on our list that had very good deals. Looking at the pickings this year, I think we’ll just stay home and recover from turkey over-dose.

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14 Jacob @ iheartbudgets November 21, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Yes, yes and more yes! Here’s what I like to do on Black Friday:

- Wake up late
- Make a big breakfast and eat very slowly
- Shower, get dressed and head out the door around noon
- Go straight to the mall, find a comfortable spot to post up with some ice cream or something
- Watch the crazy people shop who make me ashamsed to be a human being
- Go home and drink some wine

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15 Kristen November 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Wow, am I the only one who likes the Black Friday early thing? And to make it even stranger, I too am one of those non-social types who doesn’t normally like crowds. But I’m a morning person and there’s just something fun & party-like & energizing about partaking in the Black Friday early morning madness. Heck, I’ve even gone when there was nothing I particularly wanted to buy, just so I could soak in the atmosphere & people watch all the half asleep folks in sweats or pajamas running around like maniacs. LOL! Unfortunately this year my husband has to work all night so I have to stay home & tend to the kiddo (I’m of the mindset that the longer I can get my 2-year-old to sleep in in the morning, the better). Anyone want to come over at 3am to babysit? :)

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16 J. Money November 21, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Haha… glad y’all liked these ;) I’m actually not that averse to the adventures of Black Friday, but for some reason this year it’s just the last thing I want to be doing… More power to those who brave it!

@Lance @ Money Life and More – That sounds good! I’m all about going after the masses have tore the stores up.. Kinda fun to see how everything looks too :)
@Michelle – That’s another fun thing you can do ;)
@Greg@ClubThrifty – Unless you work at a store!
@J C – Wowww really? That’s pretty hardcore… I don’t mind crowds myself (in fact, I love em!), but I def. don’t like to get in the way of anyone on a mission like that… People are insane balls.
@K.K. @ Living Debt Free Rocks! – “Pushed around like a hockey puck” haha… that’s a great description :)
@Budget & the Beach – Haha really? I know a ton of people… And sometimes I just ask them to grab something for me if I *really* want something and then buy them a coffee or lunch to thank them later :)
@Joe @ Retire By 40 – 50% off socks? Really? I’d actually go for that too, haha…. Man we’re old.
@Financial Black Sheep – I could get down with some people watching :)
@Erin @ Aim High Erin – Oh yeah, online is great!
@G. Jones – There you go! Even better if you don’t have to work at one of the stores too :) Though I guess the pro would be that you can nab some of those crazy deals if you wanted before others yeah? Or do you think employees aren’t allowed to? That would be lame…
@Trinnie – Happy Thanksgiving to you and the family too!!! It’s too bad we don’t live closer so we can drink beers and celebrate together :)
@Christa – There you go… I like to go in the afternooon too just for the fun of it. Stresses me out when I can only pick up things during certain time tables and there’s a limited supply, bleh… I just go and if the item is still there, great! If not, back to online I go…
@Edward Antrobus – Haha, perhaps ;) It’s true that I’d do anything for my little baby boy!
@Jacob @ iheartbudgets – Oooh that sounds nice! I’d join you too and then we can go blog about it afterwards ;) How’s that rap coming along, btw? I’m looking forward to listening to it! Or maybe even *watching*?? Will there be a rap video to go along with it? Hmm…
@Kristen – Haha, no shame in that – I’ve done the same thing when I need some good entertainment :) It’s def. fun to participate just for the fun of it… only sucks when you need to find all the items before the others – way to stressful to me… Happy Thanksgiving!

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17 Greg@ClubThrifty November 21, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I work at a mortuary so our “sales” are driven by God and nature. We don’t bother much with having sales. It doesn’t seem to do much to drive traffic =)

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18 J. Money November 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm

OMG that’s funny, haha… good one!

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19 Heather November 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm

@Kristen…I’m totally with you.

I go for the people watching and the fun. And the cheap DVDs. :) I don’t stand in the crazy lines or rip things out of people’s hands or run over them with my shopping cart. But I have fun.

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20 Jacob @ iheartbudgets November 21, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Just getting in contact with some producers and working some rhyme schemes. I’m hoping for a video, but it might take a while. I think you’ll dig it ;)

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21 Chris November 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I think I’ll just do my shopping online. Or maybe I’ll wait for small business Saturday…Or Mainstreet Monday… I don’t remember which it is. All the small local business do a sale on one of those days. Much less publicity though so the crowds aren’t as bad :). I think if I tried to go out on Friday I’d just get into a fight with someone trying to push past me for the newest tablet or TV.

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22 J. Money November 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

@Heather – Oh yeah! Forgot DVDs go for super cheap on these days… Can’t recall the last time I’ve actually used one though? 5 years ago? Haha…
@Jacob @ iheartbudgets – Nice dude!!
@Chris – HAH! “Small Business Saturday” – I like that!

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23 Leslie November 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

The Black Friday tradition is slowly seeping its way into Canada. I am not a shopper at the best of times…I didn’t get those genes…let alone when it is crazy nuts out there. I went Boxing Day shopping with my sister in law one year and almost had a heart attack with the insanity of it all. I am with you; I would rather do any of your 7 listed and then some than take part in that chaos!

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24 J. Money November 28, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Haha… Boxing Day is actually my favorite day to shop cuz it’s also my birthday! Woohoo!

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25 David November 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

One question… why does it matter if you jump into the gator infested swamp naked? I would think that combining something fun (skinny dipping) with something not fun (alligators) would make it slightly better (like mixing eye drops with mace to mute the effect). Unless you’re wearing a chainmail shark suit I don’t think the clothing will make much difference.

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26 J. Money November 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Hahaha… you make a solid argument, my good friend. How about you jump in fully clothed then, but also with a pale of blood? :)

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27 Karen November 28, 2013 at 8:41 pm

You are too funny. I’ve never shopped Black Friday. Happy for those who enjoy it. I’m also happy to read posts that poke fun at it. Be well, J$.

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