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8 Questions About Your Money and Your Spouse :)

by J. Money on Wednesday, March 13, 2013

money love dollar

Hidey-ho! Came across this article by Dinks Finance that I liked (seems like I’m always pimping them lately?), and wanted to share the questions they posed with y’all. And also answer them out loud for myself too, just to see where I personally fall with these matters…

If you don’t have a spouse, substitute your girlfriend or boyfriend or even your dog – we won’t judge ;)

Money questions for you and your dog significant other:

1. Would you discuss money on the first date?

Hell yeah! I mean, not hardcore like salaries or how much is in my savings or anything, but money in general no doubt. Would be hard for me not to when she asks me what I do for a living ;) Or perhaps this fine young lady won a date with me from this blog?? Hmm… (Don’t mind this, honey)

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?

I feel like the *real* money talks will play out naturally over time as the relationship progresses. In the beginning you find out what each others’ spending habits are and long term goals/priorities/etc, and then as you talk about moving in and/or marriage you then have the more in depth discussions. At least that’s how it’s been in my relationships – kinda hard to NOT talk about stuff unless you’re on a mission to divert talks on purpose (and in which case you better be diverting the relationship! :))

Actually… just re-reading this question now and it says “with your spouse?” Ummm… so you’re already married and NOW wanting to have the talk?? Haha… danger danger!

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship?

I do! I do! Unless we’re talking about baby or household related stuff – Mrs. Budgetsaresexy is always trying to find way to save there while I’m more blasé… But it’s always me bringing up net worth stuff and grand budgeting ideas :) She hates talking about money unlike you and I.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?

Not harder, necessarily, but more stuff to watch over and manage. Especially in the beginning when you each had a billion accounts and you’re trying to merge and streamline/etc. IF you even go down that route – we didn’t until 4 years into our relationship! And I see the pros and cons to either route. But overall it’s not that harder really, just more money and bills to play with ;)

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt?

Oooooh… we had a post about this sometime last year: When You Say “I Do!” Who Pays The Debt?“. But I’d like to think I would if that were the case between my wife and I. Always easier when in theory though, eh? :) Luckily my wife was good w/ money too and came in debt-free! Woohoo! Even if I didn’t pay it off directly though, we would have just set aside more of her income towards paying it off faster and what not which meant less income into the household in general since our finances are now merged. So it would really be the same thing at the end of the day anyways.

6. Is debt a deal breaker?

Nah, probably not. If I like/love a chick then it really doesn’t matter. Unless we’re talking about like $100,000 or $200,000 – and not from college! I’m pretty sure consumer habits like that would make us not get along anyways, so we’d never make it that far, haha… unless she was  hot. Just kidding ;)

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views?

I do. Or at least views that are compatible. Kinda like how I’m all hyperactive and a big dreamer, whereas my wife is more reserved and realistic. We’re opposites, but it’s a good mixture. Same goes with money, only the opposites probably can’t be *as* extreme, haha… Money affects everything though from homes to cars to lifestyle,s to even having kids, so it’s crazy important! One side all out of whack and it’ll be the end in no time… especially if the two sides are stubborn. Isn’t money like the main or 2nd reason people divorce? Right up there with infidelity?

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money?

I think so, but I wouldn’t phrase it like that to your spouse ;) We can all change our habits whether it’s money-related or not, but the more important question is “do you WANT to change your habits?” Lots of people love the way they manage their money even if it’s not the “right” way of doing things per all gurus out there. But if your spouse isn’t happy with it, well, you gotta decide whether it’s important or not to work on or else trouble’s on the horizon…

But yeah, people can totally change. And you could even just structure things differently so it makes it *easier* for them to do so also. Like when one side wants to spend more than the other and hates when they’re getting checked up on all the time. Doing something like setting up separate “spend as you wish” funds specifically for that reason can be a life saver for both parties. One side gets to splurge with no questions asked, and the other knows exactly how it’ll affect the budget (because both parties agreed on this specific number ahead of time).

Alright, that’s a lot of writing – your turn :) Want to answer any of them in the comments and let us all peer into your relationships?? It’ll be fun, I promise. Do it! Peer pressure!

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PS: You know how to avoid all this? Find your match on CreditScoreDating.com, haha… #NOT

(Photo by Sean Hering Photography)


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{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Mrs. Pop @ Planting Our Pennies March 13, 2013 at 6:18 am

I like to think of our money views as a couple as complementary. We fill in each others gaps, and together form a heck of a team.

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2 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:02 am

Quote of the day!

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3 Sue D March 13, 2013 at 7:01 am

I am up there (no pun intended) with Mrs. Pop.

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4 John S @ Frugal Rules March 13, 2013 at 8:04 am

Great questions! In regards to #7,I think the views on money need to be at the very least complementary. If your views are so opposite then it’s bound to cause issues of the feeling that one is trying to change the other. Not that change is bad, but some might get more than a little put off about the “feeling” of being changed. I think my wife and I started discussing money very early on, within the first few dates, and just confirmed to me that I found a keeper. :)

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5 Lance @ Money Life and More March 13, 2013 at 8:05 am

1. Would you discuss money on the first date?

Probably not, I’d be more interested in the person. If it came up I wouldn’t have any objection to talking about it.

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?

Until you’re ready. I think this is different for each couple. Now… if they are already your spouse it is way too late. It should be before things get serious I think.

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship?

I bring it up most of the time but my fiancee brings it up a bit too. I’d say maybe 60/40 67/33 me/her ratio.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?

It is since we aren’t married yet and keep everything separate. Once we get married though we’ll be combining accounts and things will hopefully be easier again.

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt?

I am! I will be helping her pay down her student loans after we get married. Should definitely help her student loans disappear much faster.

6. Is debt a deal breaker?

It would be if it was massive credit card debt, but my fiancee started with 80k in student loans and has it down below 60k after 1.5 years… so she is making good progress. Obviously not a deal breaker for me as we’re getting married.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views?

I do. You can have varying degrees of the views, but in general if your money styles are similar you’ll fight a lot less about money.

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money?

They have to be willing to change but you can help them get there if they want it I think. If they don’t want to change I don’t think you can change anyone.

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6 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:03 am

$20,000 gone in 1.5 years?? Way to go Fiancee!

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7 nGneer March 13, 2013 at 8:11 am

I’m procrastinating with my nGneering work today so I’ll answer these :)
1. Would you discuss money on the first date? Absolutely not. It’s too personal for a first date.
2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? Before you get married. I’m a big believer in joint accounts so hiding debts is not an option. We put everything out there even before we got engaged.
3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? Me. My husband’s parents were irresponsible with money and we are now lending them $$ to pay the bills and they’re fairly young. It’s sad but I’ve taught him well though.
4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single? Yes. I’m the one who’s much more conservative with money. My husband didn’t know what a budget was before we got married.
5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? Doing it now. I came in with no debt, he came in with student loans and a car loan. We’re done with the car but we still have some student loans. All of our accounts are joint so his debts are my debts.
6. Is debt a deal breaker? Could be depending on the amount. Consumer debt would be a total deal breaker.
7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? I think it’s important to have the same goals for the future.
8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? Yes. But it’s a slow and sometimes frustrating process.

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8 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:04 am

out of all the times you’ve left comments, this is the first time I actually understood what you meant by “nGneer” haha… I’m pretty slow ;)

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9 Michelle March 13, 2013 at 8:23 am

I’m with Mrs. Pop. We work well together and complement each other nicely. If it weren’t for him, I would be saving to the point where I hate life, and without me he wouldn’t be saving a dime :)

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10 Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank March 13, 2013 at 8:28 am

1. Would you discuss money on the first date? – No

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? – I think this should be done within the first few months. No point spoiling the fun too early.

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? – Me, almost 99% of the time.

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? – We did just that when we got married. She had a car loan which we paid off within 1 year.

6. Is debt a deal breaker? – Nope.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? – Yes very much so. My brother in law is going through a divorce because of just this.

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? – Yes, I did with my wife. She used to spend her entire paycheck each week before she met me.

Great questions :)

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11 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:05 am

Great for you! Sucky for your bro :(

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12 Johnny Moneyseed March 13, 2013 at 8:40 am

I don’t think I’d talk about money on a first date, but I think that actions sometimes speak louder than words. You can tell by what kinda car people drive, how they dress and how they talk, what type of things they value. If they value expensive stuff, there probably won’t be a second date. (I’m married, so this is completely hypothetical)

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13 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:07 am

haha I’ll actually have to disagree with you there partially since I know quite a few people who drive nice rides and dress even better but who are master money savers :) But overall, yeah – the odds would have you winning most of the time.

Be sure to check out tomorrow’s guest post, it’ll fall right under this :)

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14 Moon March 13, 2013 at 9:21 am

1. Would you discuss money on the first date? Probably not. I won’t be interested in someone’s money unless I am interested in him firsts. Plus I don’t want to come across that “Geez, this chick is all about money”
2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? I agree with the ‘before you get married’. You absolutely want to know what you are getting yourself into. Not that debt will become an issue but you also want to see if your spouse is hiding something or if he/she doesn’t share the same view.
3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? ME, ME, and ME! I love to talk about money, we have money talk at least once a day.
4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single? No, not really. We make big decisions together but I am the one handle the day to day finance. I love to give my husband our net worth report, credit card balance report, saving report on a daily basis. Being extremely organized helps too! Our finance is really simple – one joint checking/saving account, one joint money market account, one joint credit card, and each of our 401K and Roth IRAs. No you, me and ours kind of thing.
5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? Yes. We are paying of my husband’s student loan from his MBA, but I don’t consider that’s ‘his’ since we ‘paid as we go’ when I got my master’s degree, and we were only making minimum payment on his. So I look at it as ‘ours’. Now credit card debt maybe a different story but we never had that.
6. Is debt a deal breaker? Yes and no. Depending on the amount and the reason behind the debt.
7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? Yes, extremely.
8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? Yes and no. You can change a little bit by telling your spouse the importance of savings, funding the kids college, etc, and he/she will adjust his/her spending habits some, but I don’t think you can ever completely change one’s habit.

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15 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:08 am

Can you talk to my wife? I’d LOVE to have a money chat every single day!!! Sexxxxy!

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16 Trinnie March 13, 2013 at 9:53 am

1. Would you discuss money on the first date? To a point: I agree with you, J–wouldn’t get into the full nitty gritty, but yeah, I’d want to make sure I’m not dealing with a financial deadbeat or anything.

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? Spouse?!?!? How ’bout maybe right before engagement? I know H and I had the big deal money talks when we had been dating for about 6 months and already talking engagement.

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? Gee, let’s see..the one getting the finance degree, which would be me. H isn’t a fan of talking about money, planning, budgeting, etc. All he cares about is that bills are paid. You should’ve seen the “deer in headlights” look I got when I was figuring out the numbers for the mortgage on our new home in San Antonio.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single? I think it’s actually easier… It seems like when I was single, the money I brought in was to pay bills with nothing left over. It was hard to manage the bills, but not the money, as there wasn’t a whole lot there. As a couple, at least we can play with the money, pay bills, create a budget, savings, you know….all the fun stuff us finance nerds like to do!

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? Most definitely–but depending on the amount and what kind. If it was credit card debt that was small, oh yeah, let’s start off fresh. But a bunch of student loans, prior mortgages, stuff like that, I’m not too sure.

6. Is debt a deal breaker? I guess, again, it depends. I can’t love someone that’s ridiculously frivolous with their money and expects someone to pay off their debt. If it’s normal debt that occurs, it’s definitely not a deal breaker.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? They don’t have to be EXACTLY the same, but I think they need to be close. It would be extremely difficult to have a relationship with someone who has different financial views. I also think having different money views is not going to help for financial success as a couple.

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? I think you can modify it to a point, but full blown changing? Unless my spouse is willing to change? No. (But then if they aren’t willing to change…or me, for that matter…then we’ve got bigger problems)

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17 My Shiny Pennies March 13, 2013 at 12:05 pm

Hopefully I won’t have to go on a first date ever again, but I would not discuss money on a first date, even in general terms. My fiance did bring up on our first date that he doesn’t have any student debt. Maybe he planned it to make him more attractive to the ladies, lol. It’s a good thing he did though because when I saw he that drove a BMW roadster, I immediately assumed he was a spendthrift. As it turns out, he bought the car used and paid cash. Overall, our financial philosophies mesh well. We save for a rainy day, want to be financially independent, and do not incur debt for purchases other than a house.

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18 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:10 am

Score! I like your husband :) It goes well with tomorrow’s guest post on owning a Porsche too – check it out! (or better yet, have your husband check it out – I’m sure he’ll enjoy it)

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19 Financial Black Sheep March 13, 2013 at 12:12 pm

Wow that’s a lot of questions!

1) Yes because employment will pop up so there will be some sort of financial knowledge. Probably not straight questions about money, but I can wish can’t I. I knew what Mr. FBS made and where he worked, so that wasn’t a problem at all for me. We talked about everything but money and work on the first date. :)
2) Depends on the relationship… as soon as comfortable, but fun not like prying for income knowledge.
3) I do, but it is small things like what is your current retirement contributions and I just paid the this bill. Pretty boring stuff.
4) Yes and no. Single I had barely any money to survive so less to manage, but less savings and nothing leftover. Now I have to manage more, but more savings and more comfort.
5) I did sort of. I paid off my Jeep first, so I sold it to pay off Mr. FBS’s car. We did end up selling his car right after though so we could have cheaper cars and more money in the bank. It all worked out.
6) depends.
7) Yes, same goals at least
8) Yes. Mr. FBS has learned a lot from when he first met me, now if I wasn’t around where or not he used that advice or is up to him…

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20 Kurt @ Money Counselor March 13, 2013 at 12:28 pm

J, regarding question #1: My now wife actually showed me her checkbook on our first date. She wasn’t trying to impress me with the balance–which a team of auditors couldn’t have uncovered–but rather as a hint that she was a bit, shall we say, disorganized when it came to her finances. I handle the finances since we got married, and she’s a great saver and earner! We each have our talents. ;-)

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21 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:11 am

NICE!!! The perfect 1st date! Haha…

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22 Matt @ My Coin Blog March 13, 2013 at 12:51 pm

I have no idea how couples stay together when they have drastically different views on finances. Spenders marrying savers has got to put so much stress on the relationship….yet it happens quite often. Same thing with political views. My aunt and uncle are on exact opposite ends of the political spectrum, yet they make it work. There has to be something I’m missing because it’s obviously possible.

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23 K March 13, 2013 at 1:50 pm

1. Would you discuss money on the first date?

Hm. maybe just in general. Nothing hard core. Don’t want to scare off someone on the first date by whipping out my ipad and showing my excel spreadsheet with mutliple charts

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?

Um.. before you get married for sure! LOL

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship?

I usually do because I’m OCD with money. But the hubby brings it up to

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?

Honestly, I don’t think it’s harder. There’s just more things that I need to keep track of

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt?

This one is hard. It depends on what sort of debt. Student loans, he would need to pay the minium and I would be willing to pay the extra principle. Consumer debt, I wouldn’t be married to someone with consumer debt. Get your act together then we can talk marriage

6. Is debt a deal breaker?

Depends on the type of debt and if he was in the process of managing it. Theres a difference between someone who has credit card debt but was working hard to pay them off… and someone who is running up his credit card bill more LOL

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views?

Yes. Money issues can lead to divorce. But you don’t need to have the exact same views. They should be close and both parties need to be willing to listen to the other person’s opinion

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money?

Yes. My hubby used to live paycheck to paycheck. Then I entered the picture and I am a saver. We have seperate bank account and he has managed to save almost $10,000 in 2 years. He still has his weak moments but it’s getting better :)

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24 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:12 am

All males have their weak parts! But you are rubbing off on him! :)

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25 Tony@WeOnlyDoThisOnce March 13, 2013 at 2:04 pm

Interesting take on such a touchy subject! Thanks for laying things out objectively. Great post!

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26 Giddings Plaza FI March 13, 2013 at 2:39 pm

Not married, but I can think about this in terms of dating a new person. I wouldn’t talk about income /debt or other private money stuff on a first date, or even the first month or so. But, I would never consider moving in with someone or getting married without sharing my financial info and credit report, and seeing theirs. As far as paying off their debt: no way. I wouldn’t move in with /marry someone who carried debt. That points to other issues.

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27 Edward Antrobus March 13, 2013 at 2:47 pm

1) Nah, who wants to talk about serious stuff on a first date? My first date with my wife we talked about what we did for a living, but not how much we made. The most memorable part of the conversation was probably the part were we both admitted we thought Angelina Jolie was hot. :drool:
2)I don’t think my wife and I ever sat down and had a discussion about money. It’s just come up organically in conversation over time as we feel the need to try different things financially.
3) My wife. She’s the one that checks the bank balance and budget obsessively. My style is to set things up and only pay attention when there is something actionable.
4)Well our spending styles do clash a bit, but otherwise, it’s easier because combined we make two and a half times as much as I do by myself.
5) I’ve always made it a point to pay for my past money indescretions with money I’ve earned myself.
6) No. He who is without sin may cast the first stone.
7) Life is certainly easier that way. But you have to ask yourself (and this partially answer’s Matt’s question), which is more important to you: your relationship with your money (or other worldview, be it political, religious, etc) or your relationship with that person. For some people, and for some relationships, the worldview may be more important, and that’s perfectly acceptable. But for others, a person can come along and just rock your world, and even though they don’t agree with you on that worldview, that person is just more important to you.
8)You can talk about things all you want, but no change comes externally. My wife struggles with her weight and there are plenty of well-meaning people that are constantly trying to give her advice, but I remind her that not even I can tell her what to do. She has to want it herself.

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28 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:15 am

One day I’m going to meet, and then bring over to your house, Angelina Jolie just to see what would happen :)

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29 Tiffany @ Extraordinary Reasons March 13, 2013 at 4:27 pm

Great post, J! :) I’m super into money management and things of that nature, so I almost hope that whoever I end up with is a little more like “OK, do what you want honey” because I can’t imagine having us BOTH want to manage the money…

1) Like you, yes I absolutely would – I find that money comes up in a LOT of my normal conversations, with whomever! But as far as revealing any super personal information, absolutely not! We would have to be seriously considering marriage before I divulged stuff like that.
2) Haha yeah, preferably you’d talk about money BEFORE you make them your spouse…
3) I don’t know. I’m not married yet. But I’m super into talking about money, so probably me. No shame!
4) Again, not married so no answer here. I would think it’s only as complicated as you make it. I think this is one of the reasons why communication is super important in a relationship!
5) Yes. But I’m a sucker, lol. I’ve even entertained the notion of paying off this guy’s $30K medical debt – a guy I really liked at the time — and it was just a crappy situation, not his fault. But at that point we hadn’t even started dating (nor did we ever). Have I mentioned I’m a sucker?
6) No, but it depends on what kind/how much. If it’s a little student loan debt, a car loan, etc. then that’s pretty standard to me. But when it gets into territory where it shows that you’re completely not managing your money well, then there may be an issue(s)…
7) For me, it’s important to have the same values. I find myself attracted to guys who have similar upbringings and a similar mixture of ambition/discipline. So I think a similar money view would kind of come along with that?
8) I think so, yes, but as you mention they have to WANT to change. Can lead a horse to water, yadda yadda. And if he/she doesn’t want to change in order to make you happy/make your lives in general more pleasant, well what does that say about how they view your relationship?

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30 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:16 am

You almost paid off someone’s debt? $30K?? Who you didn’t date? haha… that is tooooo funnny. One day I’d like to hear the whole story, please :) Or maybe a future blog post of yours??

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31 Tiffany @ Extraordinary Reasons March 14, 2013 at 3:23 pm

Haha. I thought about it, but that was about as close as I got! There is no doubt in my mind that had we dated seriously to the point of discussing marriage I would have done it, no questions asked. Not sure I can blog about it cause I think he reads my posts, haha… but maybe I can do it in code…? Or as a “guest” post? lol

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32 J. Money March 16, 2013 at 12:31 pm

I’m just glad you didn’t do it :) But the lucky man who snags you will be thrilled you’re so good with money! You gotta mention that on the first date, haha… he might propose to you right then and there!

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33 Nick @ ayoungpro.com March 13, 2013 at 6:03 pm

I entered my marriage knowing my wife had $40,000 in debt attached to her name. It did not deter me and we worked through the debt together. That taught us a lot and brought us closer together, now we make smart money decisions together! :)

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34 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:17 am

Yayy!!!!! Happy ending!!

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35 Yana March 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm

1. Would you discuss money on the first date? No. I wouldn’t discuss it unless I were seriously considering a permanent relationship.

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? You should know about compatibility in money attitudes before considering marriage. Talking about it would come naturally to me, with the right person.

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? We both do. My husband might bring it up more, as he likes to say that he makes it and I spend it. He is half-joking.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single? There is more money to manage, which is fab. There is more managing to do since there are two people’s needs/desires to consider. It’s not harder.

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? Hell, no. :P

6. Is debt a deal breaker? Yes.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? It’s good. And if not, at least let the better money manager do the managing. Know yourselves, and each can do what he/she does best.

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? Probably not, which is why you should assess these things long before marrying someone who could leave you in the gutter even after winning a lottery – and we all know there are plenty of those type of people.

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36 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:18 am

Is he joking about the “making money” part? ;)

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37 Crystal @ Prairie Ecothrifter March 13, 2013 at 9:07 pm

1. Would you discuss money on the first date?

Yep. I did. I even brought a BOGO coupon, lol.

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?

WAY before their your spouse!

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship?

Me.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?

Yeah but worth it. :-)

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt?

Yes.

6. Is debt a deal breaker?

It depends on the debt. Mortgage, no. Lots of consumer debt, then I’d run. We obviously aren’t compatable.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views?

YES

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money?

Yes, but I rather marry someone who doesn’t need “training”, lol.

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38 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:18 am

Ahahahaa… you brought a coupon on a first date?? That is all kinds of nerd-awesome!!

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39 stephanie March 13, 2013 at 11:22 pm

I’ll only answer the 1st question-hellno! I’m not discussing my finances with anyone on a first date. Did I mention I’m single???? I just don’t think that’s a 1st date subject. If someone asks what I do for a living, I’m ready to talk. But don’t do it to find out where my salary range falls.

Other than that, I am actually pretty open to a good chat on the 1st date. :-)

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40 J. Money March 14, 2013 at 12:19 am

Haha… I’ll remember that next time any blog readers want to be set up with you :)

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41 Mike Carlson March 14, 2013 at 8:49 pm

My partner and I discussed money matters when we started to plan for our future. It is just too good that we are not into too much debts and we are not fond of having debts.

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42 Lupe March 16, 2013 at 2:37 am

New follower here but I’m really enjoying what I’ve read so far!

1. Would you discuss money on the first date? Well it kinda came up just in the course of the conversation..but he was half drunk so he claims not to remember any of it! lol..

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse? As soon as things are looking semi serious..We waited too long i think which lead to friction later on.. We lived together for a number of years before getting married and kept our finances separate until then.. We would put a certain amount in “the pot” to pay household expenses but other than that never talked about goals, debts, savings, etc…we didn’t even know how much the other earned! by the time we had good serious talks about money it freaked the hell out of me to see how far apart our views were.. thisclose to being a deal breaker…

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship? ME…out of necessity! by the time we had serious money talks he was over thirty and had exactly $0 liquid savings, $0 retirement, $0 invested…thisclose i tell ya! lol

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single? Harder as a couple..We had talks and came to the same goals but when it came time to actually putting the financial plan into action he was (and still sometimes is) resistant to having to hand over the money so that I can manage it. It used to be he took care of some things and I took care of others and it pretty much evened out but we weren’t making any solid progress so mutually decided to have me manage things…

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt? Yes, although to be honest he had no debt and I had some medical debt. He didn’t think he should help me pay down my debt, and I never asked him to. Luckily, neither one of us had (or has) credit cards or any other consumer debt. And for the most part he’s a big believer in paying cash for things. Almost 13 years later and we have not once financed anything!

6. Is debt a deal breaker? Could be..depends on what kind of debt it is. 200k in credit cards is very different from 200k in mortgages…I think the near deal breaker for me at least was not knowing how far apart our financial viewpoints were!

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views? YES! a thousand times yes! or at least come to the same goals early on… (again thisclose)

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money? I’d like to think so but I know he was (and still maybe is ) a little resentful… We would talk about goals and come up with a plan but then he wouldn’t be holding up his end.. totally agree with what you said about “spend as you wish” funds, although i know he wishes he had MORE in this fund..

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43 J. Money March 16, 2013 at 12:33 pm

Haha… you crack me up :) *This close!* Every time you said that I about died… And so crazy you don’t have any credit cards OR have ever financed anything in all those years?? Wow. Good for you guys. And thanks for commenting and reading! Stay and play for a while :)

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44 Shafi March 17, 2013 at 8:01 am

1. Would you discuss money on the first date?
I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss money on the first date.

2. How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?
After you come back from honeymoon. Whether you can pay in full your credit card for the honeymoon expenses or not, you both should sit down and discuss it. The need very much arises when you cannot pay the bill.

3. Who always brings up money in your relationship?
Neither of us in particular. We look at the bills, examine and see where we can reduce expenses.

4. Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?
Even though singles must show responsibility for spending, as a couple it’s more important for us to manage money better especially when we had kids.

5. Would you offer to pay off your spouse’s debt?
Yes! We share bed so why not money and other things. Marriage must a two-way street. I would offer to pay off her debt because our finances are the same.

6. Is debt a deal breaker?
I was born and raised in an entirely different society than American, we don’t have debt except mortgage.

7. Do you think it’s important to have the same money views?
In the beginning when we got married, we had different views. But over 28 years of marriage, we have come to understand each other handling of money.

8. Can you really change how your spouse spends money?
We both don’t waste anything. Neither of us spends for the sake of spending. We don’t follow Mr. and Mrs. Jones across the street.

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45 J. Money March 17, 2013 at 9:00 am

You don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about money *before* the marriage? Only after Honeymoon? How about wedding costs? :) Although it may be different in your culture too perhaps, yeah?

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46 Shafi March 17, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Hi J Money,

Actually the question is
1. Would you discuss money on the first date?

No, I won’t talk money on the first date. I don’t know my date that well on the first date. Besides, it might be a turn off for her.

The wedding costs, yes. But that was not the question.

I answer the questions one by one.

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47 Will Van Hartog March 19, 2013 at 9:46 am

I would pay my spouses debt off if there was something in it for me :)

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48 J. Money March 20, 2013 at 7:47 pm

(bow chicka wha wha)

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49 lana March 20, 2013 at 3:47 pm

Hubby works and I spend.

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