That was my fortune cookie today @ lunch ;) That is all, now back to work...

Labels: awesomely awesome, jokey jokes

I wrote up this round up (trying saying that 5 times fast!) late last night when feeling a bit giddy, so hopefully you find this joke as hilarious as i did ;) You can find more of them at workjoke.com:

Why do accountants make good lovers?
Because they're great with figures! (ba-dum-ching)

Good? Bad? Couldn't care less? Okay okay, on to the carnivals...but first, ENJOY this extended holiday/vacation/fun-filled WEEKEND!

• Carnival of Twenty Something Finances - the "December 29th,2008" ed. hosted by Insight Writer. *Editor's Pick!
• Money Hacks Carnival - the "New Years Eve" ed. hosted by Cash Money Life.
• Carnival of Personal Finance #185 - the "Cheesehead" ed. hosted by The Fraud Files.
• Carnival of Debt Reduction #169 - hosted by Ask Mr. Credit Card.
• Carnival of Money Stories #91 - the "Manifesting Wealth in 2009" ed. hosted by Greener Pastures: Personal Finance.

Labels: jokey jokes, weekly roundup

Hooray! Jokes and personal finance, how ya like that? I should start compiling a list of all these bad boys, they def. help my mood :) Today's bail out joke comes from Mr. Conan O'Brien, please to enjoy:

"The auto executives for the Big Three are being criticized now, because, before they asked Congress for billions of dollars, they all flew to Washington in private jets. Yeah, separately, in private jets. In their defense, the executives said, 'We would have driven, but our cars only get three miles to the gallon.'"

Hahahhah....bah dum-ching! Cracks me up every time...whew...Okay, and now for the carnivals this week, there were some awesome ones in there too this round - unortunately i'm just a bit lazy right now to dig them out :( but one day my friends, one day...

• Carnival of Money Stories #88 - hosted by The Dough Roller. *Editor's Pick!
• 42nd Money Hacks Carnival - the "Laid-off and Freelancing" edition, hosted by Financial Wellness Project.
• Carnival of Debt Reduction #169 - hosted by Four Pillars Investing.
• Carnival of Personal Finance #182 - the "Don't Go Broke Over the Holidays" edition, hosted by Free From Broke.
• Festival of Frugality #155 - the "Chic-Tacky Christmas" edition, hosted by Greener Pastures.

Labels: jokey jokes, weekly roundup

Here's this week's jokey joke, found at frugal.families.com:

A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class. She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day. One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves. She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word.

The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand. Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story: "There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn't get out. One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing. The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."

Haha...ZIIIING! And here's this week's roundup in carnivals:

• Carnival of Money Stories #86 - hosted by Funny About Money. Editor's pick!
• Carnival of Debt Reduction - "Thanksgiving Week" ed. hosted by Mighty Bargain Hunter.
• Carnival of Personal Finance #180 - hosted by Living Almost Large.
• Money Hacks Carnival#40 - hosted by Steadfast Finances.

Enjoy the weekend everybody!

Labels: jokey jokes, weekly roundup

It's that time of the week again! The time where we get to relax and unwind from the crazy economy and worky work :) I thought it was also due time for another financial joke - gotta keep them smiles on our face, right?

George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" George was stunned?
"If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

HAH! You can find this one, and others, here if you need some more :) And now, here are the links to the best pf articles out there this week:

• Carnival of Money Stories #85 - "Money Myths, Madness, and Mayhem" ed. hosted by Ask Mr. Credit Card. One of the best themes i've read! Gotta check out that first myth - awesome!
• Carnival of Personal Finance #179 - "Smile Edition " hosted by MoneyNing.
• Carnival of Debt Reduction #166 - hosted by Simply Forties.
• Twenty-Something Finances Carnival - hosted by Living Almost Large.
• Money Hacks Carnival #39 - hosted by Moolanomy.

HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!!!! Go cause some trouble and drink some beers...

Labels: jokey jokes, weekly roundup

Hello my frugal little friends, and welcome to the 175th Carnival of Personal Finance - "Jokey McJokester" edition! As many of you know, i'm a huge fan of mixing entertainment with financial learning, so get ready for some fun up in here :)

I know some of you are pretty groggy/hungover/un-excited for the "real world" today, so i'm hoping some of these jokes wake you up a bit. And just in case, i threw in a few cheezy ones to see if you're paying attention ;) If you like what you see here, join the other "cool" ones and hook yourself up with my RSS feed , or even with one of my icons. Now, let's get started shall we?

J. Money's Fabulous Four:
These were my all time favorite posts from all 92 submissions! Needless to say, i did quite a lot of reading over the weekend :) But i'd be lying if i didn't learn anything - each article highlighted today has something to offer, especially these next ones in my opinion. But first a joke!

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"

To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

• How Can YOU Save the US Economy - The Secret to Success of the American Dream by Ben from Money Smart Life. An overall enjoyable read! You gotta love the postiveness that comes out of it too, absolutely loved it :)
• Stop Watching Market News, Start Watching LOLCATS by jim from Blueprint for Financial Prosperity. OMG the title says it all! I didn't even need to read it to know that this was gonna be a fun one. I did though, of course, and it was all that i had hoped it would be ;) It goes pretty well with today's theme, doesn't it?
• Tipping: Psychological Warfare? by Richard over at Student Scrooge. An interesting look at how waiters work the "upsell" angle - think kneeling down, writing smilies on the check, etc. While some of these got me pretty fired up (i HATE when waiters touch me. *shiver*), it's definitely cool to wonder if these tricks affect your tipping!
• Is it a Smart Move to INCREASE Your 401k Contributions Now? by RC from Think Your Way To Wealth. I'm a huge fan of anything 401(k) related, and especially those articles that are SUPER easy to read like this one. GREAT job circling some of the questions being asked around town!
  
  *And The Two Runner Ups*
  
  
• What Is Your Deepest, Darkest Financial Secret? by Broke Grad from Broke Grad Student. Another one i couldn't pass up! Similar to the "Post Secret" concept, Broke Grad asked people to send in postcards w/ their deepest financial secrets on it - freakin' cool as hell to look at (esp for all you A.D.D. readers).
• Accepting The Bailout For The Van from DD over at The Happy Rock. Brilliant! Personal stories make for interesting reads, esp. when you go against all the advice that you just asked for ;) It's all part of the process baby!

Budgeting:
You KNOW i have to put this topic first, i mean look at my blog name :) I'm all about the budget. Whether it's hand written, typed, automatically calculated online, whatever: Budgets = Confidence = Sexy. End of story. Actually, not end of story, we have lots more to go here.... let's continue w/ another joke:

"The president announced new budget slashes. And he's slashing education. It is a genius plan — when the kids graduate they won't have the math skills to calculate how much debt they're actually in." —Craig Ferguson

• Little Thomas from Soon to be Debt Free presents Everything I Thought I Knew About
  Budgeting was Wrong . . .
• CindyS from Oh My Aching Debts presents Personal Finance Game. Managing your budget doesn't have to be hard or scary! This is a fun game that can be played by one person or the entire family :)
  
• fwp from financial wellness project presents on watching your expenditures.
• JS from Smart Money Daily presents 5 Lies That Keep You From Budgeting. Everyone needs a budget whether you think you need one or not. Here are the 5 biggest lies people tell themselves to get out of making budgets.
• Kelly from Almost Frugal presents Buy a New Car or Fix the One I've Got?.

Frugality:
The word frugality is one of my favorites! Not only do i love saying it (it come out so crisp, ya know?) but it really does capture a way of life...esp with many of you who's reading this. Anyone who can master the art of frugalness (not as fun to say) wins big points in the life of financial freedom!

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment, and the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.

• FruGal from FruGal presents Don't get screwed by your landlord:Top Tips..
• Dan from Everyday Finance presents Buying a New Car - Strategies and Findings . This article highlights various considerations and experiences related to a new car purchase in this new credit-crunched, internet age.
• FMF from Free Money Finance presents Will a Freezer Save You Money?
• Mr. B from Interesting Money presents Make Your Own Granola From Scratch: A Guide, Plus Cost Breakdown. Like granola? Here's a visual guide to making it from scratch, including a cost analysis. Pretty nifty!
  
• Orange from Orange Dealing with Money presents Cheap Ways to Spend a Weekend. Orange enjoys cities for less than $5 per person.
  
• Lisa Spinelli from Greener Pastures presents 10 More Money Saving Websites With Ongoing Big Fat Deals. Awesome! A great way to get extra mileage out of your budget!
• BeThisWay from Are You Going To Be This Way the Rest of the Time I Know You? presents You Bet Your Ass I’ll Return That. Haha...i LOVE the blog title.
  
• FIRE Finance from FIRE Finance presents Generic Drugs are Cheaper - A Complete Guide.
• Brooke from Dollar Frugal presents Cleaning Your Things to Appreciate Them More.
• Shawna from Bumblefucked presents How to save money at Whole Foods.
• Patrick from Military Finance Network presents Get a Free Flu Shot from the VA. An in depth look on how to save money on flu shots.
• Sara Aase from Cash On The Barrelhead presents Saving is In Again: Thomas Stanley on the Glutton Economy.

Economy:
It is what it is right? Some weeks are great, some weeks are sad, and others are downright c-r-a-z-y. But that's life, and i'm pretty sure we're all starting to get used to it :) So why not joke about it?

"If you watched the debate last night, you know John McCain kept talking about this guy Senator Obama met on the campaign trail named Joe the Plumber. Do you know the saddest part about the Joe the plumber story? Last month he was an investment banker." --Jay Leno

• Megan from Counting My Pennies presents Unexpected Charity.
• Ashley from Wide Open Wallet presents Don't let the news replace your reality.
• Terence Gillespie from Your Optimal Blog presents Depression Proof Your Money, adding, "If you know what to do it doesn’t take long to protect a lifetime of savings."
• Andrea from Fools and Sages presents Obama's Immediate Economic Plan. It may sound good during election season, but is a tax free distribution from retirement plans a good idea for Americans in the long run?
• Debbie Dragon from Empowering Mom presents Today I'm Grateful for a Recession-Proof Business.
• Tanesha Morgan from Personal Finance Analyst presents Bank of America Acquires a Lemon - My Commentary.
• Curt from PennyJobs.com presents The End Of Capitalism As We Know It.

Credit:
Ooooooh how i love me some credit! The more, the better in my opinion. While it's DEF. not for everyone, i'm all about slapping my expenses on the ol' credit card & then paying it off in 30 days. I seriously hope the credit crisis works itself out - i am ADDICTED to it. And now for another joke:

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

• Tyler Metzger from Taking Charge presents Prank uses Obama in attempt to obtain Centurion bling. Haha...anytime you have "Obama" and "Bling" in one sentence, you KNOW it's gonna be a good read :)
• NtJS from Not the Jet Set presents Credit Reports, Credit Scores - What's the Difference?. In a blogosphere obsessed with credit scores, Mr. NtJS shares the unthinkable.... He never checks his credit score. Ever.
• PT from Prime Time Money presents AnnualCreditReport.com: Still the Best Way to Check Your Credit Report. You gotta love the ONLY free, no strings attached, method for reviewing all three credit reports!
• Ryan Lynch from The Better Credit Blog presents The Quick and Dirty on Authorized Credit Card Users.
• Andy from Tight Fisted Miser presents My Bankruptcy Experience.
• Bob from Christian Financial Help presents 0% credit cards are not free!. An interesting conclusion that a reader came to on the real cost of credit cards.
• DW from Arrive Financial: Credit Card Intelligence presents Your Credit Report Matters More Than Your Credit Score.
• pfi from Passive Family Income presents Best Gas Credit Cards, and shares tips on picking out the best gas credit cards out there with rewards.
• Clint from Accumulating Money presents Secured Loans and Unsecured Loans – What’s Right for You?

Finance:
Finance covers a looooot of stuff, and a looooot of industries. So, naturally, we have a looooooooooooot of good articles on this topic :) Please to enjoy:

An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit:
"Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replies the teller. "He was better dressed each time."

• Super Saver from My Wealth Builder presents Passive Income is not Effort Free. Ain't that the truth! While it may look like it's easy-peasy money, there's a loooot of work that goes into building up passive income.
  
• ABC from ABCs of Investing presents Investment Asset Classes Explained. A brief and simple explanation of asset classes!
• Henry Stern, LUTCF, CBC from InsureBlog presents Now THAT'S Customer Service!. Sometimes, getting what you pay for's a GOOD thing. Here's a true story of how one e-tailer handles orders in an honest and personal way.
• My Journey from My Journey to Millions presents Stay Away from Seller Financing.
• A Dawn from A Dawn Journal presents ADJ Picks Canada’s Best High Interest Savings Accounts.
• Money Answer Guy from Money Answer Guy presents How to Compare Lenders Online.
• The Financial Blogger from The Financial Blogger presents How To Beat Inflation Part 2, and states that we need to find other trick to keep our lifestyle intact. Tricks to beat inflation are becoming smaller.
• Joe Manausa from Tallahassee Real Estate Blog presents The US Treasury On Market Turmoil. Joe goes into some remarks by Secretary David H. McCormick about the current economic turmoil - identifying how the chaos basically got started, and acknowledging that we are now paying the price.

Money management:
I'm a HUGE management guy, esp. when we're talking about money (actually, it's the ONLY thing i manage ;) ), so this subject is near and dear to my heart. If you know where your money is coming from, and you now exactly where it's going, you're a-okay in my books! Another joke:

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

• Pete from Bible Money Matters presents 10 Things I Have Learned About Money, al of which he's learned in this past year!
  
• MoneyNing (David) from Personal Finance Blog by Money Ning presents Why Only Thinking About Affordability Makes You Poor. Just being able to "afford it" doesn't mean it's wise to buy it! Think twice! (Amen to that)
  
• Fitz from Ready To Be Rich presents How To Make Friends Pay Back The Money They Owe You, and adds, "We lend money to friends because we want to help them. But what do you do when they refuse to pay you back or tries to delay the payment? What can you do? This articles hopes to shed some light into this problem." I could have used you a year ago ;)
  
• Aryn from Sound Money Matters presents Couples and Money: Five Tips for Daily Money Talks. The article talks about how couples who communicate about money have better financial futures.
• Beyond Paycheck to Paycheck from Beyond Paycheck to Paycheck presents Return of premium term life insurance overview, adding,"If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Example #847:" No doubt.
  
• Debt Freedom Fighter from Discover Debt Freedom presents 3 Indicators that a balance transfer credit card is right for you.
• Tisha from American Consumer News presents Heating Your Home Without Going Broke.
• Squawkfox from Squawkfox presents 3 Best Financial Decisions, where readers share their 3 best financial decisions to help others.
• Tony from Bad Credit Advisor presents Living on one income doesn't mean living on one paycheck. This is true!
  
• Mary from Simply Forties presents The Economy of a Hunting Club, stating that managing the micro-economy of a hunt club is not unlike managing your personal finances.
• FrugalTrader from Million Dollar Journey presents Divorce - A Wealth Killer.
• Mr. ToughMoneyLove from Tough Money Love presents How to Maintain Optimism in Tough Economic Times. While it's easier to be pessimistic when the economy heads south, Optimism is better! Yessir.
  
• My Dollar Plan from My Dollar Plan presents 15 Must Do Fall Finance Tips.

Investing:
I'm not the smartest man around when it comes to the nitty gritty here, BUT, i do know that investing wisely will go a long way here. That means no panicking and emotional selling of one's nest eggs (ya hear that economy?). Which leads us to our next jokey mcjoke:

A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he's at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby.

The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?"
"Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."

• Richard Epley from Blue Jeans Millionaire presents Five Ways to Divorce a Stock. I really enjoyed this one :)
• Dorian Wales from The Personal Financier presents How to Recognize a Bull Trap. I had noooo idea what one of these were, but i sure do now! Pretty cool to read up on some new stuff ;)
  
• Patrick from Cash Money Life presents Dollar Cost Averaging vs. Value Averaging , a very cool and insightful comparison of two investing methods.
• nickel from FiveCentNickel presents Four Reasons not to Overreact in the Current Market.
• Dividends4Life from Dividends4Life presents How To Be a Better Investor During These Difficult Times, adding, "A recent article on The Motley Fool pointed out that now is the time that Baron Rothschild was referring to when he said, "Buy when blood is in the streets."
• The Dividend Guy from The Dividend Guy presents Some Investing Rules According to Warren Buffet. Good to keep in your back pocket these days!
• Intelligent Speculator from Intelligent Speculator presents Think The Worst Is Still To Come?. A lot of investors think we are far from out of this situation and that an important recession will occur (and probably has already started).
• Kevin from No Debt Plan presents Why Yesterday's 11% Gain Isn't What You Think It Is.
• AJC from How to make $7 million in 7 years ... no scams, no schemes! presents Horses are not for courses … What does the World's Greatest Investor do differently than the rest of us? Click to read :)

Debt:
Debt = no fun. But alas, 99% of us have some debt laying around. At least it's not all "bad" debt though - college loans, mortgages, business loans, etc. But either way, we're all in this together :) Here's another joke, and then the beautiful posts:

What did the car dealer say?
The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a car payment!

• Starving Artist from Indebted 2 You presents Remarkable Failure, adding, "I finished paying off my credit cards and wrote a wrap-up article talking about the things you can accomplish if you fail enough." Indeed :)
• Christopher Holdheide from Stumble Forward presents The REAL Reason You Can't Get Out Of Debt. An article about getting debt free, but even more so on the mindset you need to get debt free.
• Chief Family Officer from Chief Family Officer presents Reacting to the economy again: Cutting back on retirement savings in favor of reducing debt.

Saving:
Saving has always been a cornerstone of building wealth. So make sure to do lots of it :) (can you tell i'm tuckering out now?)

"Why do the Irish keep their money in banks?
Because it's Dublin!"

• Todd from Harvesting Dollars presents Why Must Parents Pay For College.
• junger from Online Savings Blog presents The Declaration of Financial Independence: ING Direct.
• David from BankAround presents Hudson City Savings Bank Rises Above Mess With Traditional Banking.

Real Estate:
I used to be a realtor during the boom a few years back, and i must say that i came away with a lot of knowledge out there. Sadly, much of it was stuff i'd rather forget (shady bankers, realtors, and just people in general). BUT, it did teach me a very important lesson - Everyone's financial situation is different, and you really have to know what you're comfortable with, not what others are comfortable with. Advice is GREAT, don't get me wrong, but just be sure you know which advice to take in, and which to dump in the trash. Now another joke :)

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

• Ryan Suenaga from Uncommon Cents presents Well, No, I Can’t Buy Your House.
• Smarty from Growing Money presents Philadelphia Tenant Saga - Part 2.
• vh from Funny about Money presents Foreclosed: Postscript.
• Dan Melson from Searchlight Crusade presents Mortgage Loan Modification.

Taxes:
Some may call taxes a "joke" in itself, but unfortunately we all have to deal with 'em. Sure it may bore you to death, but it helps keep our country paved with the golden dreams of opportunity! (Did that even make sense?) Let's have another joke:

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

• Sam from Fix My Personal Finance presents 5 Smart Property Tax-Saving Strategies.
• Andy from saving to invest presents Tax Changes under McCain and Obama. It's pretty interesting to see how your taxes will be affected under Obama or McCain.

Career:
VERY important to have if you wanna bring in the big bucks. I'd like to consider blogging my "Career", but it's all in due time :) For now, i'll keep being amazed by the ballers of our industry (ahem Jonathan...cough cough.....J.D...). Either way, i'm all for doing what makes you happy. And as long as you have your head on straight financially, you can get by with any paying job! Now, another joke from our sponsor:

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun.
"Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the social worker answers,
"I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

• Amanda from Value For Your Life presents Who Else Wants To Improve Their Organizational Skills?.

Other:
Other? hmm......this can encapsulate a whole mess of different things! But unfortunately, or fortunately if you're tired of me already, i'm running out of time here. So on w/ the last joke and hand picked posts of the day:

A preacher gets up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news...
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets!"

• Bret Frohlich from BretFrohlich.com presents Fighting Global Poverty, and adds, "October 15th was Blog Action day and this year's subject was Poverty. This post offers suggesions on how to fight global poverty." Yup, I've been seeing a few posts on this lately, pretty interesting.
• LAL from LivingAlmostLarge presents Is the middle class gone?.
• Mr Credit Card from Ask Mr Credit Card presents Organizing Your Personal Finance.
• Steward from My Family's Money presents US Poverty: How Is It Defined? A look at what we define as "poor" in the United States for statistical purposes.

That's it for this week kiddies! Go ahead and take yourself a breather for now - you'll need it for next week's CoPF over at Master Your Card (i love it!). If you liked what you saw, don't forget to sign up to the ol' RSS feed or grab an icon! And remember: Budgets = Confidence = Sexy!

Labels: carnivals, jokey jokes

Let's start this Friday off with a joke, shall we?

"A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she
says, "For $50, I'll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."

Ziiiiiiiing! Oh man, i crack myself up. And if you don't like it, sue me! hah! see what i did there? I played on the joke, that played on the....ahh you get the point. Perhaps you have a better one? In other random news, I've added a "Random Post Generator" link at the bottom of each post, and in the "Sexiest Posts" section there on the right. Click it and see what you get, it's all the rage these days. Do it. Dooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiit.

And now, with a horrible transition, I leave you with the 4 carnivals i participated in this week:

• Carnival of Money Stories - "Olympic Hangover Edition" hosted by Not the Jet Set
• Money Hacks Carnival - "Financial Dilemmas Edition" hosted by PF Buzz
• Carnival of 20 Something Finances - "8-25-08 Edition" hosted by Living Almost Large
• Carnival of Personal Finance - "Highlights from the Beijing 2008 Olympics" hosted by Broke Grad Student.

Layter Sk8ters.

Labels: jokey jokes, weekly roundup