A New Christmas Gift Rule In Our Household

by J. Money - Published December 16, 2015

Santa J. Money

You know what’s crazy? That Christmas is next FRIDAY!! 9 days away!

You know what’s not crazy? That I haven’t picked up a single gift yet ;) And not just because I wait every year until Xmas Eve to do my shopping (typical guy – hah). For the first time EVER, our family isn’t giving gifts to each other! Only to the kids – woo!

The old me would have been in hysterics upon hearing this as most of the world loves getting presents, but J. Money 2.0 rears its head again and is more than overjoyed to hear such changes in the works. Mainly since it means:

  1. Less things to buy
  2. Less things to worry about after buying (I hate giving people things I can tell they hate when they fake smile back :()
  3. Less things for me to fake smile about
  4. Less things to occupy my home since I don’t need anything (yeah minimalism!)
  5. Less things to occupy someone else’s home (yeah helping others with minimalism! :))
  6. Less damage to the wallet
  7. And most importantly, more focus on each other

Of course, you can also gift things such as “experiences” and home-made items, and even donate to people’s favorite charities instead of handing them “stuff” left and right, but I still prefer the best gift of all which is simply being in the presence of loved ones vs. the presents BY loved ones. Though I appreciate the sentiment. (Oooh how’s that for a play on words! Someone trademark that!)

Plus, shopping for kids is much more fun than adults anyways – they love everything! Even empty bottles and tissue paper!

toilet paper christmas gift

It’s interesting to watch the progression over time too, and how easy it is to keep spending more year after year whether it’s in your budget or not.

Check out this snapshot across the 35 Christmases I’ve been a part of so far:

  • I give no one a gift (baby –> elementary school)
  • I make everyone a gift (elementary school –> middle school)
  • I buy everyone cheap gifts (high school –> college)
  • I buy everyone decent gifts (early career –> mid-20’s)
  • I buy everyone + their significant other a gift (mid-20’s –> late-20’s)
  • I buy everyone + their significant other + their kid a gift (late 20’s –> early 30’s)

**** Change starts happening****

  • I pick a name out of a hat and just buy for that sibling + every kid in the family (early 30’s)
  • I buy for kids only! (this year – at 35)

And that’s just for my side of the family. My wife comes from a much larger side who went the “pick a name out of the hat” route yearrrrs ago and now only buys for special relationships like Godchildren and pollyannas for the kids and good ol’ momma too.

Oh, I should note that I’ll be picking up something for my parents too considering they GAVE ME LIFE and all, haha… You never know who will be following the rules anyways, so better to be safe than sorry! ;) (Perhaps I should have waited until after Christmas to post this up in case it backfires on us??)

Anyways, that’s the gift-giving word in our household this year… Needless to say it’ll be kinder on both the wallet and the brain. The wife and I will only be exchanging stocking stuffers too for the third year in a row since we keep the majority of our gift giving to birthdays only since they both fall in December as well. So you can imagine the smorgasbord of gifts we used to receive and give!

How’s your gifting going so far this year? Any new rules pop up on your end too?

********
PS: I should note that I appreciate all the gifts I’ve gotten in my life, even though I prefer not to receive any. This stuff is always hard to do “right” and make sure everyone’s on the same page, and at the end of the day it’s all in the name of love anyways. Except for maybe having to buy your boss something, but I wouldn’t want to find out what happens if you don’t ;)

PPS: Some great gift ideas if you still need any!

Best books on personal finance!
Christmas Gifts Worth Re-Gifting
How To Give Your Kid The Best. Christmas. Ever.

[Photo cred: hoyasmeg. Doodles by J$]

Jay loves talking about money, experimenting, blasting hip-hop, and hanging out with his two beautiful boys. You can check out all of his online projects at jmoney.biz. Thanks for reading the blog!

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Mrs. Mad Money Monster | @madmoneymonster December 16, 2015 at 6:42 am

We have been on the “only kids” program for years. I can’t imagine having to buy for everyone like some families do. Although, I must say it didn’t work out too well for me before I had my daughter. Back then I was buying for everyone else’s kid and I wasn’t getting anything in return. Hint: I do like to get a present or two. :) Aside from that, it’s easy on the wallet and low stress. Congrats on finally getting it approved in your family!

Mrs. Mad Money Monster

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2 Brian @DebtDiscipline December 16, 2015 at 6:43 am

Our gift giving habits have certainly shift over the years as well. I think I followed a similar trajectory. We give to our children, small gifts to my wife and I (our anniversary is this month too) and some gifts to immediate family (spending limit set) We used to give to just about everyone. Its tough to get past the feeling of wanting to give someone back a gift after they have given to you, but I keep thinking budget and I already have enough crap.

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3 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:35 pm

YES! It sucks when you get a gift from someone that you weren’t planning on gifting yourself, and then you feel bad and like a horrible person if you don’t return the favor :( So nice of them to think of you but hard to reconcile sometimes.

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4 Thias @It Pays Dividends December 16, 2015 at 7:04 am

We are scaling ours back a bit but the wife and I are debating trying to have “the conversation” for next year about getting rid of gifts at the events. We both would rather just be with family then forcefully put a list of things we don’t need together for people to get us. Unfortunately I think our siblings will have a fit because they are still in a pro-gift mindset. We have been able to transition out of birthday gifts so I hope Christmas will be next. Nice job on getting your family onboard with it!

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5 Rich Rabbit December 16, 2015 at 7:08 am

Nice! Thanks for reminding me. I completely agree. Gift giving takes away from just enjoying each others company.

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6 Roy Largo @ Band of Savers December 16, 2015 at 7:25 am

I have always been a terrible gift giver and it’s always caused me so much stress that it totally distracts from everything else around the holidays. Therefore, our family doesn’t do a lot of gifts at Christmas and just acts of service on birthdays. So far this year I’ve gotten my wife an awesome $110 gift that I know she will love and a $30 gift for one of my sisters (the 7 of us and my parents have always just been in a rotation where you only buy for one person and it changes people every year so I had to get her something nice). Haven’t started shopping for my boys yet, there isn’t much that they NEED. I think the 1 year old will get to unwrap a bunch of the toys that have ended up at the back of the toy closet that he doesn’t know we have.

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7 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:40 pm

Haha excellent idea :) It’s super easy to go overboard on kids for sure, but I don’t have the heart to take away all their presents yet, haha…

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8 Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor December 16, 2015 at 7:44 am

We pretty much just buy each other practical items that we’ve been waiting till Christmas to buy. Which I’m perfectly happy with. My mom also declared thrift stores are fair game for gift shopping in our family, but as you said, we’d only buy someone a used gift under specific circumstances. We want to know the receiver is comfortable with it, and that it’s something they really want or need, since they can’t return it.

I’ve seen a version of your “presence-presents” play on invitations to children’s birthday parties as a way of saying “just come, please don’t bring a gift.” It’s a great way to express that sentiment.

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9 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:41 pm

Oooh cool! I like that! (Obviously)

I’ve been known to buy thrift store and 2nd hand gifts for people over the years too. Though much easier when you’re looking for antiques or stuff that’s rare :)

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10 Claudia @ Two Cup House December 16, 2015 at 7:51 am

We don’t have any new rules this year, because the last of the gift-giving ended years ago. Amazon makes any day a holiday. The worst part of gifting was the “expectation” –everyone thought they deserved gifts, which ruins the spirit of the season. Ugh.

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11 jolie December 16, 2015 at 8:04 am

My parents finally are going to stop buying things for everyone except the great grandchildren. Mom has said she was going to stop before and then changed her mind at the last minute. With 8 gg children, that is enough. Buying for 4 daughters, three spouses, eleven grandchildren and 9 spouses/partners was just crazy.

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12 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:42 pm

Aww, where’s the spirit! ;)

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13 Steve Miller December 16, 2015 at 8:06 am

I agree with you J. Money, we get stuff all during the year and getting gifts we don’t really use are a waste of money. We’ve adopted a similar way of gifting as well.

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14 Penny @ She Picks Up Pennies December 16, 2015 at 8:12 am

Woohoo for your family! My side of the family only does gifts for kids. My husband’s, though…ooof. For now, we just roll with it. Hopefully, when more of my in-laws have kids themselves, we can make the switch. It’s so tricky to balance gratitude with other principles that might not be shared (minimalism, frugality, etc.).

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15 Free to Pursue December 16, 2015 at 8:15 am

Welcome to the dark side my friend buahahahaha.

We’ve been “no gifting” for a number of years. We do something special with our 14-year-old god daughter (an experience as opposed to stuff) and that’s it.

When it comes to Christmas events, we invite family and friends over for coffee and meals big and small with the purpose of spending relaxing quality time with everyone we’re thankful to have in our lives (sometimes these get togethers even include the very Canadian activities of ice skating and hockey). And when we’re invited to dinner? We ask what we can bring or do to help the host (wine, cheese, homemade bread, a salad, a dessert, etc.). It’s made our Christmases better, brighter and more enjoyable. Gifts were just getting in the way of a good time.

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16 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:43 pm

When should I show up? :)

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17 Brian December 16, 2015 at 8:15 am

We are pretty much down to practical gifts only. My sister and her husband just wanted a portable HD and a Case to take back and forth from their car wash to their home office (that way they don’t have to pay for internet they wouldn’t use much at the car wash). More than happy to get them that. They are just getting me an Amazon gift card, that I will probably use to buy the only tool I didn’t inherit from my grandpa… a cordless drill. Never thought I would need one, but man oh man are they handy and I am tired of borrowing my dad’s constantly or finding a long enough extension cord to use one of the 5 (yes 5) corded drills I have

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18 Angelina Leve December 16, 2015 at 8:30 am

I loved your article. I’m totally on board with “no gifts” or “little ones” if any. That being said… I think there’s a lot of people that only associate celebrating and being thankful for the day as it relates to “giving” and “receiving” gifts. It’s almost like we need to re-teach people how to enjoy the day without spending lots of money doing it.

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19 Chris @ Flipping A Dollar December 16, 2015 at 8:34 am

We are doing the name/hat for my in-laws this year. THANK GOD.

My wife and I got a new vacuum for ourselves! Woohoo! Miele for the win. It wasn’t cheap but we were sick of our bagless Dyson. I love that everything in my house is actually being removed.

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20 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:45 pm

Hahaaha…. you’re 15 y/o self is looking at you right now like WTF? Haha… adults ftw!

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21 S L December 16, 2015 at 8:36 am

I am wrestling with this, this year.My youngest is an adult in all legal senses of the word, my eldest is married and murmurs of little ones are crossing their conversations. I have parents and heart parents, a brother and sis-IL – I have heart sibs and a young friend who is staying with me barring the streets. And I have no idea what to get anyone. I am taking the locals out to eat as one gift, and, knowing my youngest and the friend at my house I am tempted to get them the practical — “gods you need clothes and base items”.

I feel particularly grinchy this year not being able to figure out gift-giving, and I feel mad at myself for feeling grinchy. Angst iz I :)

Soon I probably should start that shopping thing.

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22 Hannah December 16, 2015 at 8:44 am

Our son just received his first Christmas gift of the season three days ago, and he is obsessed with his new toys… like to the extent that my husband suggested that we not wrap his gifts and just try to sneak them into his toy box (he’s worried that our son won’t eat, sleep or bathe normally if we give him gifts based on his reaction to just a single toy addition).

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23 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:45 pm

Hahahaha…

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24 Emily @ JohnJaneDoe December 16, 2015 at 8:57 am

My brothers and I decided to only give each other obnoxious Christmas cards this year instead of the booze/gift card combinations of years past, so that’s two down. I’m not adding their SOs and their SOs’ kids (okay, I’ll probably make some cookies and divvy them out, but I was going to make cookies anyway and this means less around the house into the New Year.) That drops that side of the family from 11 gifts to 4 (my parents, niece and nephew).

No luck in downsizing the gift list on the hubby’s side of the family, but at least it’s much smaller & Jon takes care of the gift buying.

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25 Mr. SSC December 16, 2015 at 9:00 am

We still get gifts for all the family, mainly, Mrs. SSC’s side – her parents and brother, but we’ve toned it way back from what we used to spend. This year, we’ve gone for a low limit on spending for Mrs. SSC and myself. It’s worked out great so far, and I am officially done with Mrs. SSC as of yesterday. I like giving gifts, and since they come from our separate “allowance” budgets, if I go a bit over the limit, then it’s just affecting my discretionary funds, so that works for me. :)

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26 Jover December 16, 2015 at 9:05 am

Bought nothing this year except plane tickets to be home for the holidays. Since I live 1,000+ miles from them, I figure it’s the best present I could buy my friends and family still living in my home state.

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27 Caitlin December 16, 2015 at 9:09 am

This is the first year my family has eliminated gift-giving, and I have to say, it’s such a relief! Now we feel like we can visit home and really enjoy our time together. We’re also bringing little treats/foods to share that our family doesn’t have in New York.

No kids yet, but I did see gift-giving criteria on Pinterest that has stuck with me. It said you should get your kids:
1. Something they want
2. Something they need
3. Something to wear
4. Something to read

I thought that was really smart, although I’m sure it’s easier said than done!

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28 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:47 pm

YESS!!! LOVE THAT!!!!! Brilliant!

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29 Tammy December 16, 2015 at 9:24 am

I loved seeing this post this morning. As a single parent, I knew when my son was little put less emphasis on gifts under the tree. Usually I gave my son one Christmas gift, sometimes 2. There have been years, as he’s gotten older where there are no gifts & sometimes we do the gift opening later. I volunteered one year delivering gifts for Blue Santa in a year where there was one small gift. I did it to feel abundant, what I found was that it felt a little empty & I desired to be able to give the parents a card to pay off bills, so they’d be less stressed & maybe to buy their own gifts for their children. And it made me realize how thankful I am that I set less of an emphasis on gifting. This year we wont exchange gifts on Christmas, I am thankful that we will be paying bills, I am thankful that my teen son accepted so easily when I said we would have our Christmas in January, I am thankful that we have had such beautiful holiday experiences this year — Christmas Caroling at the Austin Capital, a downtown scavenger hunt with my company getting to see all the Christmas lights, watching a Christmas lights show at an outdoor venue & driving around looking at the lights, putting up our own decorations & really appreciating being cozy at home & watching movies together. I am making sure that he gets to attend holiday parties with other teens. I am so thankful for the numerous gifts in our life that are not wrapped up under a Christmas tree and for the leisurely-ness of the season. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE giving & receiving gifts & when it is in our budget, I will thoroughly enjoy gifting & receiving, but I am thankful for seeing the abundance that is. <3

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30 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:48 pm

Yayyyyyy so beautiful to hear!! I’m so happy for you guys!

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31 Mrs. Dibidend December 16, 2015 at 9:47 am

I am happy because my husband’s family do gift exchanges so we only have to buy 1 gift for that person. It save us tons of money, considering my husband is the only one working.

I am still purchasing a gift for my mom and aunt who took care of me and I am not spending christmas with them this year. Kids too should be considered… gifts for them aren’t that expensive and they really do love anything.

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32 Cait Flanders December 16, 2015 at 10:42 am

You know I love this idea, friend! Last year, I thought the shopping ban would’ve left me with a list a mile long of things I wanted for Christmas… but all I could think to ask for was a pair of shoes. This year? I literally have zero pairs of pyjama pants anymore, so I asked for that! I mean, how does someone work from home and NOT own pyjama pants, right!? ;) Anyway, 1 thing! That’s all I want. I know we’re getting my parents and grandma a few small things (all necessities) but my brother/sister and I are not exchanging gifts… and I am a-ok with that! Less clutter to clean, more time to hangout. :)

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33 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:53 pm

Are you typing naked to us right now, friend?? ;)

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34 Thehappyphilosopher December 16, 2015 at 11:35 am

I’ve been reading PF blogs for years and how is it just now that I your stuff? Haha! Good stuff man!

Gift giving is interesting, and I have definitely migrated away from it. I think the best gifts are consumable, and often more heartfelt if they are made by the giver. This way to clutter is left behind, no guilt for having to keep an unwanted item.

One idea I love is the concept of intentional gifting without attachment to a holiday or event. When we did massive decluttering earlier this year there were unused items that were too nice to just throw out and for some reason I thought gifting them was more appropriate than donating. I put them in a bin with the sole purpose of gifting them all to people who I knew would love them. This forces you to pay attention to the desires of others and creates a nice altruistic mindset. I haven’t actually gifted many things yet but when I do it is a cool feeling. Maybe I should write about the experience when the bin is empty :)

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35 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:56 pm

Excellent idea! I hope you do write about it!

I’m actually staring at a few paintings I gave someone after some decluttering myself a few months ago. It’s so strange/cool looking at your own things in someone else’s place! haha…

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36 Justin @ Root of Good December 16, 2015 at 11:38 am

We take it pretty easy on gifts. It’s mostly for kids and we keep it toned down. Adults and older kids usually get some token cash (nothing life altering!).

Me and Mrs. Root of Good don’t give gifts to each other – we just buy whatever we want whenever (like her new DSLR fancy pants camera from a Cyber Monday deal). I guess that’s like Christmas throughout the entire year!

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37 Sharon December 16, 2015 at 12:24 pm

One of our daughters worked in a ‘soup kitchen’ in Baltimore for a year after college. They did educational programs, clothing drives, provided meals on Thanksgiving and Christmas, etc. It changed our approach to gift giving for quite while. As grandchildren came we went back to the ‘old ways’. Thanks for this post. It reminded me to get back to the real meaning of Christmas.

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38 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 1:58 pm

That’s one thing I keep saying I want to try every year myself and continually fail to do :( I have no doubts it puts things in perspective much more!

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39 Gary @ Super Saving Tips December 16, 2015 at 12:31 pm

Our gifting has been pretty limited for a few years now, and that’s fine by us. Glad you have a new rule to help make the transition from spending to meaning.

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40 Joe December 16, 2015 at 1:30 pm

I like that rule. I only give gifts to people I spend Christmas with. :)
Now that we have more kids in the extended family, I need to be a bit more generous to the little people.

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41 Bonnie December 16, 2015 at 3:12 pm

We went to the “kids only” plan years ago, and I wouldn’t go back for anything. My youngest niece and nephew are 15 and 12, and I can’t wait until we can eliminate even that. I do give my sibs an ornament each year, and my sister has taken to doing the same. (I have always given my boys an ornament each year.). Christmas is so much less stressful without trying to find the perfect gift for everyone–and do it on a budget.

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42 Fervent Finance December 16, 2015 at 3:22 pm

I only buy for my direct family (which is four people) and my girlfriend. Well this year my girlfriend and I booked a trip for February. So we decided (it was her idea!) that the trip would be our gift to each other. BIG STEPS! So no actual presents exchanged (maybe something silly for less than $10 each). I think we’ll try to continue this into the future. I’d rather spend money on hanging out together than gifts any day! Now just have to work on the family.

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43 Kate @ itsakatelife December 16, 2015 at 3:23 pm

I had “the talk” with family and friends last year so we skipped gifts last Christmas and it was such a relief. Prior to that I was in the same boat as you, buying gifts for friends, their spouses, and all their kids.

Only gifts I buy now are for my parents’ birthdays, since there are things I know they’d like but they’d never spend the money on themselves. Those are items they truly appreciate so I don’t mind spending the money.

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44 Stockbeard December 16, 2015 at 4:03 pm

Haha I can’t count how many times my kid did that with the toilet paper. Good times! kind of…

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45 Christine @ The Pursuit of Green December 16, 2015 at 7:16 pm

I think next year is the year I will start paring down my gift list. This year was the peak and next year…whoosh. It’s getting a bit much. Good example to follow!

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46 Michelle December 16, 2015 at 10:57 pm

I have a lot of friends who’ve just had babies. So I would like to get them a little something…I’m looking to use referral credits for gifts. Then, it’s a win/win for everyone involved!

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47 carlotta December 17, 2015 at 3:23 am

I’ll tell you how is going.
My friends think, for some unknown reason, that I would be very good spiritual guide.
I’m Godmother to 5 wonderful little kids and 1 that used to be a kid and now is sexteen ( how did that happened?)
I also have 1 niece and 1 nephew.
I also have a boyfriend.
and that’s how is going.

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48 carlotta December 17, 2015 at 3:24 am

*sixteen
sorry, bad typing.

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49 [email protected] December 17, 2015 at 6:53 am

Those are the most surprisingly legitimate reasons to procrastinate your Christmas shopping that I have ever read. Well played sir, well played.

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50 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Hahaa…. you caught me!

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51 The Roamer December 17, 2015 at 10:03 am

I really like the idea of 4 things for kids want need wear read…. But that’s to keep it manageable at home . with extended family sometimes it really is a struggle…. Sometimes I just show up empty handed because I couldn’t find anything . Actually on those times I give coupons… Do this do that together…

But I still would like to get to something even simpler…. I hate fake smiling so yeah.

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52 Stingy Stacy December 17, 2015 at 11:48 am

My family has been doing this for a few years now. We all travel to see each other which is expensive enough and at the point we are truly just happy to be in each other’s presence (cheesy as it sounds). And it is nice to focus on the kids and watch them open all their presents. That is the best part anyways. :)

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53 J. Money December 17, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Stingy Stacy – hah! Killer blog name!

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54 Alison December 20, 2015 at 12:36 pm

I’m a proponent of just spending quality time with my family and loved ones – much more important than any gift I could ever receive!

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55 COD December 24, 2015 at 4:41 pm

We too are on the kids only plan with family (exception for my mother), and thankfully both sides of the family have not been particularly proficient in the procreation department :) We just got back from the Caribbean – our first “experience” Christmas. No presents for the kids or for me and my wife – the trip was our collective present. Probably more expensive than our usual Christmas, but also far more rewarding, and not worrying about what to buy my wife has made the season so stress free. One interesting aspect – since I booked the airline tickets and rental house (AirBnB FTW!) way back in early summer the trip didn’t seem that expensive because the biggest chuck of the cost was paid 6 months ago.

I think we’ve decided this is the new normal for us. No more crap we don’t really need under a fake tree- instead we’ll go somewhere warm and beachy every December.

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56 J. Money December 28, 2015 at 7:37 am

Ooooooh beautiful!!! But I think my invite was lost in the mail somewhere? :)

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57 Crystal December 26, 2015 at 1:22 am

Way to go!

Yeah, we don’t really minimize. We buy for my immediate family (6 people – parents, 2 sisters, a spouse, and a kid), 4-6 people in hubby’s family (Secret Santas on both sides is 4 people + his parents if we didn’t draw them), and then we both usually buy presents for our 10-12 friends (our weekly hangout group). So that’s 30 gifts minimum. I think we spent about $600-$750 on gifts this year but I haven’t added it up. We enjoy the gift hunt. I work on it the whole year and hubby starts in October for our friends.

No regrets here. We’re spoiled on Christmas and enjoy the hell out of it. We love spoiling the people above. Win-win. :-)

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58 J. Money December 28, 2015 at 7:41 am

Hey, if y’all are enjoying the hell out of it all it sounds like it’s working :) Smart to go shopping so early too – I admire that about people as I suck at it!

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59 Revanche January 2, 2016 at 1:56 pm

Catching up on my reading now that we’re home (home, blessed home!!) and I love that you’ve achieve No Gifting status. My side has been No Gifting (except maybe the odd $15 thing) for years, and PiC’s side has simmered down to kids and 1 adult, so I’m really hoping that maybe in a few years it’ll get down to just kids+pets. (Yes, the pets get gifts. I’m more cool with that than gifting to the humans, heh.)

I have friends in this stage still: “I buy everyone + their significant other + their kid a gift (late 20’s –> early 30’s)” and I’m quietly not getting sucked into the jet engines of gifting back unnecessary and unthoughtful things.

My rule for gifts for our kiddo: books only. No toys, no clothes. That means ze ends up with one or two outfits and a toy anyway, but keeps it from being an outrageous pile. I saw pictures of people’s trees on Twitter on Christmas, with HUGE piles of packages, and I just shuddered. That’s just not how we’re gonna do things.

My rule for gifts between me and PiC: None. Except I buy us dividend stocks once a year. Merry We’ll Have a (maybe Early) Retirement Christmas!

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60 J. Money January 4, 2016 at 11:26 am

I like the book idea :) And after you read it (or if you’ve already read it/don’t like it) it’s a great gift to keep being passed around too! Or donated to the library!

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