When it comes to cash, I’m an equal opportunity owner. I have $10 bills, $5 bills, $20 bills, and of course many many $1.00 bills.
But the one bill that I secretly admire more than any other, and also the one that gets the least respect, is the lonely $2. Not only has it been forgotten for the past handful of decades (yes, they still print them!), but some even think they’re fake and have literally gotten arrested for using them. #AlternativeFacts
So today’s goal for this post is quite simple: to get you to start using the $2.00 bill! I don’t care if you use it just once or a thousand times. I want these puppies circulating so fast that McDonald’s comes out with a $2.00 Item Menu! ;) The only rule is that you do it THIS WEEK – deal?
And no excuses like you may have had back in the mid-1900’s either…
- Oh I can’t use these because politicians used them to bribe votes!
- No honey, I was not with that prostitute charging $2.00/trick.
- Yes, I did go to the race tracks to gamble, but I swear – I did NOT place any standard $2 bets!
(And we wonder why they fell out of popularity)
So why do I care so much about these long lost bills? Because they bring SO MUCH JOY to people! The side effect of no one ever using them is that people get so intrigued by them, and in return get intrigued by YOU. A nice little side effect.
“How did this dude come across such an amazing specimen??” they wonder… And “why did they give it to *me* out of everyone in this world? I must be so special!”
And they’d be correct. They ARE special. Because you could have given them any ol’ bill like the thousands of schleps before you, but you didn’t. You gave them something memorable and something they haven’t ever/rarely seen before. And guess what? Now you become memorable to them too! Score!
Okay okay, I get it Jay. Where the hell do I get these $2.00 bills? And what are some ways I can avoid being such a schlep?
I’m glad you asked :)
First off, it’s easier for you to get your hands on these than it is for our president to get off Twitter. Just visit any local bank of yours and tell the nice person behind the window you’d like a stack of $2.00 bills please. Then bingo-bango, they’re all yours! (But don’t forget to pay for them first, or you’ll be trying to impress a whole other set of people for the next 20 years).
As for ways to use $2.00 bills? Try one of these proven methods:
(And while you’re waiting to offload them, keep one in your wallet for good luck!)
#1. Tip someone with it! Its value is literally only $2.00, but it gives off the impression of being worth much more. And if you cherish quicker/better service, this is one surefire way of accomplishing that too.
#2. Give one to that hottie you’re trying to woo. Having trouble with the ladies calling you back? I guarantee they won’t throw away your number written on a $2.00 bill ;) And if your skills really are that bad, hey – who knows who will get that bill next?
#3. Give it out as stocking stuffers/birthday gifts! No matter what people say, they do NOT hate getting $$$$ as gifts. Have you ever seen anyone give money back? Secondly, $2.00 bills aren’t like real money anyways as we’ve now come to know, so it doesn’t actually count. And since again people think they’re worth so much more than they are, you get to spend less and still come off as a hero!
#4. Give them to the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny to hand out. If it’s this easy to excite a grown adult with these, imagine how a kid would take it? :)
#5. “Accidentally” leave one on the floor of your office and
see how many thieves work with you entertain yourself for a few minutes. Film it, and maybe you’ll get rich when it goes viral!
#6. Spend them on bribes, hookers, and gambling :)
Remember, this is a mission you cannot refuse, so feel free to use me as an excuse if you find yourself in a precarious spot. I much prefer letters of adoration though, so please – use your 2 (dollar) cents.
Once you’ve used a $2.00 bill this week, come back here and tell us what you did so we can all ooh and ahhh over it. And if you do end up pulling off a date outta this, I get dibs on naming your first child together! J. Dinero kinda has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Two Dollar McDonald’s Menu here we come!!