The worst lullaby songs ever?

by J. Money -

horrible lullaby songs

Morning!

This is going to be totally random, but caught myself humming some lullabies to my kids last night, and didn’t realize just HOW HORRIBLE some of the lyrics were! Wow!

Here’s the first one that caught me by surprise, and it didn’t get much better as I went along, haha…

Hush, Little Baby

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word.
Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Papa’s gonna buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Papa’s gonna buy you a billy goat

And if that billy goat won’t pull,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Papa’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover

And if that dog named Rover won’t bark
Papa’s gonna buy you a horse and cart

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Worst. (Finance) Song. Ever.

The only good thing about it was that last line on babies always being the sweetest, haha… But hope he’s sweet enough to inherit all of papa’s debts later! (And doesn’t get spoiled in the process!)

Once I switched gears realizing what I was singing, it got better for the wallet but not so much the kid:

Rock-a-Bye Baby

Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

And down will come baby, cradle and all

NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO IS CREATING THESE TERRIFYING SONGS???!

We’ve all been brainwashed!!! Haha….

But as bad as that one was, it was Clementine that really shocked me the most… Particularly since all my life I thought it was uplifting as I’d only learned to hum it over the years. But nope! Fooled again!

Clementine

In a cavern, in a canyon
Excavating for a mine
Lived a miner, forty-niner
And his daughter, Clementine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Light she was and like a fairy
And her shoes were number nine
Herring boxes without topses
Sandals were for Clementine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Drove she ducklings to the water
Every morning just at nine
Hit her foot against a splinter
Fell into the foaming brine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
But alas, I was no swimmer
So I lost my Clementine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Then the miner, forty-niner
Soon began to peak and pine
Thought he oughta join his daughter
Now he’s with his Clementine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

There’s a churchyard on the hillside
Where the flowers grow and twine
There grow roses, ‘mongst the posies
Fertilized by Clementine

FERTILIZED?? DEATH?!! COME ON!!

How have we gotten away singing these songs to our kids for so long??

Gonna be hard to erase those memories now, haha…

Fortunately there are still plenty of lullabies that are kid friendly and daddy approved:

  • The Itsy-Bitsy Spider
  • Are You Sleeping (Frère Jacques)
  • Baa Baa Black Sheep
  • and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star… Although how they’re still wondering what’s so shiny in the sky is beyond me as it says it RIGHT THERE IN THE TITLE!!

And if you really want to hit them with some financial magic as they drift off to sleep, might I recommend: “Coins!” by ABC Mouse. Catchy, and educational!

And that’s all I have for you today :)

Just had to get this off my chest in case anyone wants to start boycotting!! Amazing the things we say without thinking about it!

If you’re still jonesing for something financial this morning, check out this post I re-stumbled across and see how well you score: 20 Signs You’re Financially Stable (and 20 Signs You’re Not!)

Not sure which will give you sweeter dreams tonight, but you’re welcome either way ;)

*****
// Pic up top by cocoparisienne

{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kate June 7, 2019 at 6:53 am

Ladybird, ladybird,
Fly away home,
Your house is on fire
And your children all gone!

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2 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 7:10 am

ACK!!! Haha… Never heard of that one before!

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3 Jacq June 7, 2019 at 7:08 am

It wasn’t my mom’s singing, because any other lullaby was fine. My sister would start to cry part way through rock-a-bye baby. We even tried with made up more positive lyrics, but always at the same point, we never did figure out why.

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4 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 7:16 am

Because your sister is smart!! She’s not going to be tricked!!! ;)

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5 Corinne June 7, 2019 at 7:23 am

Not sure if you have heard of these, but my husband and I found Rockabye Baby which is a collection of popular songs from all types of music (ie. Beatles, Metallica, Eminem, Taylor Swift…you get the idea) turned into instrumental lullabies. Extra plus is the album covers take the original artists covers and turn them into a cute version with a teddy bear.

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6 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 7:44 am

Oh nice! Haha… Would never think an Eminem song would be slipped in there, but I’m all for it :) My kids are obsessed with both rap and hard rock and constantly asking Alexa to play them new songs (that I have to constantly monitor which is no easy feat!! :))

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7 Jessy June 7, 2019 at 8:22 am

This was a favorite among my childhood friends . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3qIBHStUc0

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8 MW June 7, 2019 at 8:26 am

THANK YOU! My mom would sing just the “worms crawl in..” first verse. I didn’t know there was a bigger song. Awesome….

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9 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 9:45 am

Okay wow, haha…

That is pretty detailed :)

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10 Karen June 7, 2019 at 8:28 am

Check out “the candy band detroit”. Never too early for a little punk rock exposure. Sometimes you need a break from baby shark.

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11 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 9:49 am

“It is comprised of four Detroit area moms who were tired of what they deemed wimpy music for kids.” haha…

Totally playing them for my boys tonight – they love all things rock and rowdy!

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12 MW June 7, 2019 at 8:29 am

Don’t forget the terrible “You are my sunshine”… The verses can vary a bit between performers, but

“The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamt I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head, and I cried

I’ll always love you and make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me to love another
You’ll regret it all one day

I’ve always loved you and made you happy
And nothing else could come between
But now you’ve left me to love another
You have shattered all of my dreams

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13 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 9:50 am

Damn that’s depressing!!! Complete opposite of what I thought!

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14 Diane June 7, 2019 at 8:41 am

And check out the words to “Ring Around the Rosie!” It’s supposed to be about the plague!

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15 Kate June 7, 2019 at 9:45 am

Achoo! Achoo!
We all fall down!

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16 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 9:50 am

someone just sent me that haha… that is pretty bad :)

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17 Tracy June 7, 2019 at 9:07 am

And what about simple bedtime prayers? Like “Now I lay me down to sleep / I pray the Lord my soul to keep. / And if I DIE before I wake / I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Who wants to go to sleep after that?!?!?!?

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18 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 9:51 am

You’re right – wow!! My whole world is unfolding today!!! haha…

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19 Stephanie June 7, 2019 at 12:45 pm

When my now-6-year-old was about 2 she went through a phase where her preferred bedtime music was The Flaming Lips’ Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. She would request it by name and everything. (Now her bedtime music is 80% My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic soundtracks, 10% guided meditation for kids, and 10% theme song from the new Shera series on repeat.)

When she was a baby my husband compiled a play list of any song she seemed to like, which we still use for our second baby, who will be 1 (!!) tomorrow. Some of it is sweet and perfect (e.g. “Gracie” by Ben Folds Five – daughter #1’s middle name is Grace), but somehow “Play Crack the Sky” by Brand New wound up on there, and it’s just morbid and depressing.

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20 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 2:44 pm

That’s awesome :) Haven’t heard of some of those songs but I’m all for exposing kids to good music early! And is all better than Macarena which my 1 year old is currently obsessed with haha…

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21 Cody June 7, 2019 at 12:49 pm

I learned a different last verse for clementine, but it’s equally bad:

How I miss her, how I miss her,
How I miss my Clementine,
So I kissed her little sister
And forgot my Clementine.

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22 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 2:45 pm

I think I’d still prefer that one, haha…

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23 Shelly June 7, 2019 at 1:10 pm

YES!! When I had my first baby 13 years ago, I ended up printing out a bunch of lullabye lyrics (because during those late-night feeding and getting him back-to-sleep sessions, I could never remember all the words). Even the main verse of “You are my Sunshine” is terrible — “my ONLY sunshine”? hmmm . . . Yeah, sure, my priorities changed 100% when we became parents, but I mean, I am still a human capable of doing things that make me happy! And, how much pressure does that put on the kid? You are the only thing that can make me happy — oh, and by the way, “please don’t take my sunshine away”. Ever. Don’t ever leave me, or you will rip from me the only thing that brings me joy.
So, sleep well, little one. (Insert maniacal laugh here.)

We changed the words. And, if my kids (now 13 and 9) hear someone singing the actual song, they sort of tilt their heads like, “umm, I don’t think that’s how it goes . . .” :-)

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24 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 2:46 pm

Hahahaa… love it…

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25 Martinus June 7, 2019 at 2:02 pm

I remember singing this one when I was a kid!

Hush little baby, don’t say a word
Daddy’s going to buy you a Thunderbird,
If you don’t like that kind of car
Daddy’s going to buy you a Jag-u-ar.
If the Jag-u-ar offends
Daddy’s going to buy you a Mercedes Benz,
If the Mercedes Benz won’t do
You can have a Ferarri too.
If the Ferarri isn’t your choice
Daddy will get you a big Rolls Royce,
If you don’t like that baby let’s talk,
’Cause after that baby, you can damned well walk!

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26 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 2:47 pm

Much more exciting than mockingbirds and looking glasses!

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27 Tawni June 7, 2019 at 4:22 pm

The version of “Hush Little Baby” that we sang to our kids is much better!

Hush little baby don’t say a word,
Mama’s gonna show you a hummingbird

If that hummingbird won’t fly
Mama’s gonna show you the evening sky

When the night time shadows fall
Mama’s gonna hear the crickets call

As their song drifts from afar
Mama’s gonna show you a shooting star

As that star drops out of view
Mama’s gonna read a book with you

When that story has been read
Mama’s gonna get your warm bedspread

If that quilt begins to wear
Mama’s gonna find your teddy bear

If that teddy bear won’t hug
Mama’s gonna catch you a lightening bug

If that lightening bug won’t glow
Mama’s gonna find you an old banjo

If that banjo’s out of tune
Mama’s gonna show you the harvest moon

While that moon drifts from the sky
Mama’s gonna sing you a lullaby

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28 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 5:01 pm

Much better!!

I have failed as a parent! Haha…

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29 JB June 7, 2019 at 5:29 pm

Sad but true, I used to sing “Log” from Ren & Stimpy to my kids.

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30 J. Money June 7, 2019 at 5:32 pm

Haven’t thought of them in a while! Old school!

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31 Kim June 8, 2019 at 12:52 pm

I never really thought about the lyrics. Creepy! My grandma used to sing Clementine to us kids when she would babysit us. She never said a four letter word in her life so maybe that song was her way of letting out some aggression when we were misbehaving! When I had kids my sister in law was still pretty young and didn’t know any lullabies so I would hear her singing christmas carols to them – in July!

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32 J. Money June 10, 2019 at 7:53 am

That’s what I do too!!! Every son of mine heard Christmas carols during their infancy, haha… And all born in the Spring/Summer months as well :) I guess cuz their so upbeat and happy feeling??? Or maybe I need to revisit those words too?!

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33 Bryan June 9, 2019 at 7:52 am

I don’t have Twitter so I had to comment here about Bill and Warren at Dairy Queen. I love Warren. Money doesn’t matter. I just want to hug him and buy him a cone. :-)

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34 J. Money June 10, 2019 at 7:54 am

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? :) I remember once a friend running into both Warren AND Mark Cuban at a Diary Queen once! He snapped a pic in between both of them!! AH!!!

(And the crazy part is that hardly anyone even noticed them or knew who they were!!)

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35 Slug June 9, 2019 at 8:15 pm

See what you made me do. I had to go find this Spotify list of Heavy Metal Lullabies. I’m going to sleep so well…

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5DtyryHpuajXc5Yj83jz85

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36 J. Money June 10, 2019 at 7:55 am

There we go! Haha…

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37 Martinus June 11, 2019 at 11:53 am

Love it!

Here’s (part) the “real thing” though (excerpted):

Hush little baby don’t say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It’s just the beasts under your bed
In your closet in your head
Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land
Boo! Yeah yeah!
We’re off to never-never land
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land
We’re off to never-never land
We’re off to never-never land

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38 J. Money June 11, 2019 at 2:35 pm

That is pretty good!!

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39 Wendy June 10, 2019 at 11:21 pm

I used to sing to my nephews Barbara Ann for the older one and Chantilly Lace for the younger. I also like It by Genesis as a lullaby

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40 J. Money June 11, 2019 at 5:51 am

that’s cute :)

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41 Linda June 11, 2019 at 8:18 am

Ring Around the Rosie’s,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes!Ashes,
We all fall down.
From late 1800s, originated from Black Plague.
The Rosie is the deadly rash.

Jack and Jill isn’t too upbeat either.
Linda

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42 J. Money June 11, 2019 at 2:41 pm

I just learned that recently!! Would have never guessed!

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